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From Behind Our White Picket Fence Week 171
By Freddy and Eddy
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Life Makes a Comeback

With Mom safely tucked away in the Santa Monica Convalescence nursing home, a semblance of calm and order has slowly returned to our home. Rooms have been cleared, the kitchen and living room have gotten a good scouring, and our family rituals are no longer infiltrated by frustrating attempts to control our demented, Parkinson’s afflicted houseguest. Even our sleeping patterns have balanced out, as we’re no longer awakened each night by the predictable thud of Mom falling out of bed as she inexplicably attempted to get up at 2am to do who-knows-what. To be sure, Mom isn’t exactly thrilled with HER end of the bargain, but after the ordeal she put us through over the last four months, our sympathies (while not gone) aren’t moving us to change things anytime soon.

To celebrate our newfound freedom, we attended the wedding of friends Kat and Bustin last weekend, embarking for the remote desert region beyond Palm Springs in our beloved 1985 27-foot RV, a $2000.00 score obtained prior to Burning Man 2008. Kat used to work for us part-time before hooking up with Bustin and moving to his ranch in Northern California two years ago. Being longtime Burners themselves, we’ve kept up our friendship and were honored to be included in their special day and hit the road Saturday afternoon, friend and tantric teacher Deva Charu along for the ride. As an aside, if you’re looking to truly transform your entire outlook on sexuality, Charu is probably the best place to start. We spent an hour with her a few years back and the experience has resonated throughout our intimate relations ever since.

Anyway, our beast chugged the 100-something miles toward Palm Springs, turning up the highway just past Cabazon toward Yucca Valley as three hours ticked off the clock. Another 40 miles into the vast nowhere that lay outside our LA consciousness was Landers, CA, and yet another few miles into the desert interior sat the Integratron. Now, we’re not that surprised when we stumble upon an interesting or cool place within a couple hours of the LA metropolis, but the Integratron ranks right up there with the Cabazon dinosaurs, the wonderful cheesiness of the Roy Rodgers museum, and even the sort-of-secret river flowing through the Santa Ynez Valley just above Santa Barbara. A wooden structure based upon a design by legendary aeronautical engineer (and UFO enthusiast) George Van Tassel, the Integratron supposedly sits on an “electrical vortex” and is purported to rejuvenate the body and mind along with healing and relaxing tired nerves.

All that aside, we barely made it in time for the sunset ceremony, witnessing one of the funniest, touching, and unique trading of vows in which we’ve ever been involved. Kat looked absolutely gorgeous and Bustin glowed under the dome’s soft sunlight. Afterward, with a full cadre of Burners on hand, a ridiculously decadent desert potluck ensued, complete with deep fried turkey, and we partied until the 30-degree temps forced us inside our RV and under thick blankets. Mom, and all the troubles of the last few months were finally forgotten as we huddled together under the clear, star-strewn desert skies.

Sunday morning, we munched down a breakfast of S’mores and Poptarts, bidding farewell to everyone before heading home, descending back into civilization and pulling into our driveway just before 4pm. As if to remind ourselves of the situation we’d shorn a week earlier, we picked up Mom from the nursing home to have dinner with us, only to be reminded of all the months of craziness just we’d left behind as she refused stay seated (almost falling through our coffee table), argued bitterly with Alicia as she tried to walk her around the block, and snapped at our son before we rushed her back to Santa Monica Convalescence Center. Obviously, we’ll pick and choose our Mom episodes more carefully in the future.

All that said, sex has slowly made a comeback and we’ve begun thawing after what seems like an eternity of cold intimacy. Each morning, we take an extra hour before heading to work to product test, take walks, or just lay around for a quick nap. Heck, we even have a porn recommendation for you this week. Not Three’s Company XXX, from Hustler is a sexy parody of the 70’s hit show, with remarkably good writing, hot sex, and a great cast. Penny Flame and Brynn Tyler, as Janet and Chrissy, respectively, are spot on will grant us older folks the opportunity to finally see what would happen if Jack had taken advantage of his opportunities.