From Behind Our White Picket Fence Week 193
By Freddy and Eddy
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Sex, Drugs, and Sunday Afternoons
If you are anti-drug, click away now and read our column next week. We have a startling confession to make: we love to get high and have sex (even better while listening to cool music). Oh wait, we’ve already made this info public 192 columns ago. Still, we like to point out that a bong hit of good cush goes a long way toward not only lengthening a great love making session, but intensifying orgasm(s) along with it (at least for us). It’s about time we put ourselves out there as pot smokers; medicinal reasons be damned – we take our drags for recreational purposes much the same as a one would enjoy a good glass of Scotch. We CONDONE pot smoking. In fact, though we only smoke about three or four hits per week, we feel sufficiently comfortable talking about little habit freely with anyone who may not be or might feel guilty in partaking of the wacky weed. For added measure, we love a hit of ecstasy once or twice a year, drink gallons of red wine annually, and even venture into the realm of mushroom trips if the circumstances are just right. Shockingly, we've managed to steer clear of serial killing, the Betty Ford Clinic, massive brain damage, and social welfare programs.
Sunday, we saw our son off the beach with friends for the day, immediately diving into deep house cleaning for the first time since returning from Burning Man two weeks ago. Four hours later, and after a thorough vacuuming left our home sparkling like a Martha Stewart magazine picture, we contemplated riding our bikes down to meet up with everyone and do a little surfing. Say what? No kid. Clean house? Sunday afternoon with no commitments? Purple haze here we come! One toke on the pipe each and we found ourselves tearing up the bedroom for the next hour, at least. Our high now enhanced by the afterglow of multiple orgasms, we lounged around talking before eventually making our way toward the shoreline against the gentle headwind blowing east. The effects pretty much worn off by the time we arrived at the Venice Breakwater, we enjoyed a short nap on the sand as our son continued his play date another hour. We capped off the day with some wild caught salmon on the grill, an episode of MTV’s “America’s Best Dance Crew,” and sequel to our afternoon romp (sans weed). What a perfect way to spend a Sunday…
Sex Tip: Rough it up. Not every love making session has to be a fairy tale. Add some spice to your next adventure by adding a bit of foul language (ladies, we love it when you utter or yell “Fuck me”), spanking, hair pulling, pinching or well-placed sharp fingernails. To pave the way, we recommend mood setting nasty text messages throughout the day, naughty e-mails describing what you’re going to do, or slightly provocative actions leading up to your encounter (nipple bites, hard ass squeezes or smacks, etc.). You might even want to try an edgy porn flick that features BDSM (Fashionistas and Blacklight Beauty are two good ones that stretch boundaries) to get you in the right mindset.
Sex Fact: Use of the condom was first noted in published literature in the early 1500s. The device was originally made of linen, and historians believe the legendary lover Casanova used linen condoms.
Product Love: If you’ve had sex, you’ve at one time or another gotten carried away and made a mess. TMI, certainly, but let’s be honest that your couch hasn’t been spared a few pints of love juice during its ten years in your living room. What to do? We recommend the Luv Mat, a plush, water resistant shag throe that protects your sheets (and anything else you place it over) from accidental seepage and/or leakage. We also love the ToiBocks, an ingenious toy storage container with an invisible magnetic lock to keep nosy kids and guests from accessing your secret pleasure devices. The ToiBocks also looks just like a nice jewelry box, so it blends in and works with almost any décor.
Local Awesomeness: No doubt about it, our favorite cheap sushi haunt is Ugly Roll, located at the corner of Sepulveda and Palms. For $6.95, you get nice size rolls, tempura, fruit, and small salad. You can also score a plate of baked mussels for $2.95 and bowl of miso soup for a buck. In our broke circumstances, this place has been a lifesaver.
Freddy and Eddy – aka Ian and Alicia Denchasy – can be reached via e-mail at freddy@freddyandeddy.com.
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