The World's Best Orgasm Device.

Orgasmic Worm

Sybian!

Position Perfect

From Behind Our White Picket Fence Week 202
By Freddy and Eddy
Click here to visit all columns

Upping our Game

With 2009 coming to a close and the hardships of the last two years still threatening to linger on (financial, marital, familial, and personal), we felt it was time to make a few drastic changes in 2010 – recession be damned – with the hope of redirecting our downward trajectory toward positive, perhaps even prosperous territory. To this end, we embarked on a mantra we termed “upping our game,” in which we vowed to implement lasting improvements to our lives in a few relevant categories. Being that 2010 was just around the corner, we were tempted to simply throw the lot in with New Year's resolutions; however, we've never been big on the once-a-year thing and decided that bouncing our sexual frequency, to name one area in need of betterment, back into the 4-plus per week territory we'd once enjoyed was more than an annual goal.

First up was our appearance. To say we (especially the male half of our duo) had lost touch with any sense of fashion was like saying the Clippers had lost touch with winning. In fact, our wardrobes have been neglected for so long we barely have any threads that either fit or fit in. Alicia, to her credit, at least has a few pairs of jeans, nice blouses, skirts, and dresses hanging in her side of the closet. Ian? Not so much as a pair of jeans!

Luckily, in mid-November, a fashion angel of sorts dropped into our lives in the form of one Destin Gerek, aka the EroticRockstar. Destin is a long time Burner with a penchant for snappy/sexy attire, as well as helping bring out our own inner “erotic rock stars.” Through a session of visualization and meditation, Destin helped start us on a program of image – both interior and exterior – transformation taking shape over the next 5 months. By the end, we anticipate (with Destin's guidance) a much more confident approach to dressing appropriately, as well as stylistically for any social occasion, business meeting, or educational presentation. In fact, we've already “upped our game” and begun ditching the sweats and t-shirts for newly purchased jeans, button down shirts, and nicer shoes.

Next on our agenda was energy, or directing more positive energy, into our everyday life. To that end, we stumbled across Feng Shui consultant Jennifer Bonetto, who evaluated our home's energy flow and made recommendations to improve not only our financial, but our sexual household energy. Using ancient mathematical calculations based on our birth dates, direction of our property, and corresponding structures, Jennifer made a few simple suggestions to alter the way in which positive energy infiltrates our home within, while directing negative energy out. A few examples include having us enter through our side door instead of the front (though anyone else can still do so), hanging a wind chime over our doorway, placing a water feature outside our bedroom window, and moving our bed a couple feet to face a more optimal direction.

In addition to energizing our house, so to speak, we rededicated ourselves to improving our health, eating more in line with the philosophies of Michael Pollan, author of The Omnivore's Dilemma and In Defense of Food, which is to say ditching the dependence on calorie counts and nutrition labels and just eating. Naturally. If we feel like beef, we eat (organic) beef. Seafood? Wild caught, but sure. Pork? Love bacon and have no intention of quitting. However, the bulk of our diet will be and always remain tilted heavily toward vegetables and whole grains. Our morning cup of coffee is staying, as is our Del Taco guilty pleasure, but our morning workout routine is being focused toward cardio strengthening, which will improve our...

SEX LIFE. You knew that had to come into play somewhere, right? To that end, we're attempting to make the transition from using stress to avoid intimacy and instead use sexual play to release stress. Though this sounds simple enough, it's far from being easy to break our pattern of having sex only to review toys or after watching a particularly hot porn flick. No, even though it is difficult to summon the wherewithal to turn off the television and direct our attention on each other, it's what will ultimately determine whether or not our marriage, in the long run, succeeds or fails. In a November column we laid out our belief that sexual energy is our definition of the highest power, so without intimacy/love in our union, it will die and so will we. This means we must nurture and tend these fires as one loves their own version of god almighty.

In sex we trust.

We'd like to say a sad farewell to our dear friends, Dave and Natalie, who will be leaving for the east coast in a couple of weeks for a new job opportunity. The originators of the popular blog At Longing's End, they are truly great people and we wish you both the greatest success as you begin your career and marriage amidst the hustle and bustle that is NYC!