PRACTICE VS PLUNGING
Many times
couples entertain the idea of swinging, then plunge into the
Lifestyle without going through some of the most important steps.
Ultimately, they found out it is not for them in a frustrating
conflicting manner. The most difficult part when entering the
swinging lifestyle, is setting the boundaries and understanding
each other’s sexual comfort zone. Although communication is the
very essence of ensuring you are both comfortable with what you
are doing, sometimes it is difficult to get things started when
discussing your desires, fantasies, and potential alternatives due
to perception, self-image, and expectations.
- Start
with fantasies. It is a safe-zone to express potential desires.
If you haven’t verbally expressed any of your fantasies with
your partner, now is the time to start. If you have a hard time
verbally expressing your fantasies, go on-line and read/print
Swinger Stories at Swinger Story Board,
or
swinger stories at swingers to swinger.com
and select what interests you. Another alternative is to select
a few CD’s.
Sounds
Erotic and/or
Erotic Stories on CD. Both offer
well-done audio erotic stories as alternatives. Pick out one or
two fantasies that you and your partner can listen to together.
- Set the
mood for your erotic story adventure, perhaps your bedroom for a
sensual evening. Offer your partner a
erotic massage, tell your story or
play the CD while massaging your partner. This opens the door to
other possibilities and allows you the opportunity to see your
partner’s reactions to a potential situation. It could start out
as simply a voyeur/exhibitionist story and then later move into
Ménage trios. Alternatively, if you partner enjoys the story,
then suggest he/she does the same for you. The most important
aspect of this exercise is sharing your fantasies and desires in
a comfortable relaxing way.
- After your
sexual interlude, discuss what aspects of the stories you both
enjoyed. Then make a list either mentally or physically
together. Congratulations, this is your initial set of
boundaries.
- Go on a
field trip. In the process of discovering your boundaries,
exploring different erotic venues is a good way to expand your
sensual perception of what excites you as well as your partner.
A field trip doesn’t necessarily mean going to a swing club, it
could be a much slower pace. For example, go to a
gentleman’s club with your partner or
go to an erotic social event such as a
Fetish Ball or
Erotic Ball, or Erotic Expo. After you
attend an event, discuss what interested both of you. Remember
these are non-touching voyeur type venues just to get you
started. They are also wonderful venues to create fantasies with
together. Again this will enhance your list of boundaries as the
situations arise.
- Rent or
purchase a video on
Swinging. Alexander Institute as part
of their Loving Sex’s series as done a great video “Swinging”
that provides more insight than just reading. It is an erotic
adventure where a couple begins to explore swinging and
discusses issues that are related to their boundaries. This is a
beginning video and a great way to get an understanding of the
boundary issues.
After you have
had an opportunity to go through finding your initial boundaries,
now is a good time to figure out if you want to move forward in
exploration of swinging. There are two major issues that arise in
discovering boundaries, trust and jealousy. If you have trust
issues, I suggest you seek counseling to work through the issue
and abstain from going further in adventuring into the lifestyle.
Your primary relationship is the most important and being a part
of the lifestyle may hinder that instead of help.
In
relationship to jealousy, everyone has it. The trick is
understanding it and figuring out how to stop it. A non-profit
site,
Swingers to Swinger has a great article
on jealousy, Unmasking the Green-Eyed Monster –
Jealousy and Open Relationships and Swingers
that should assist in understanding and resolving some jealousy
issues.
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