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 Synopsis:
A book that suggests true sexual intimacy and fulfillment can only be
achieved in our middle and later years.
Our Review: If
ever there were a book to address the problems of losing intimacy
(and we don't necessarily mean sexual), this is the one we've
liked the most. The author takes a radical shift from almost
everything we've been taught and suggests that true intimacy and
sexual fulfillment can only come after many years TOGETHER.
Using examples
from his workshops, David Schnarch shows how couples overcome
sexual and emotional blocks that hold them back from finding total
satisfaction with each other. For example:
"...our normal
neurosis is our need to get indirect self-acceptance by appeasing
others. It's what triggers the common post-sex quiz, 'Was it good
for you, dear?' --code for 'Tell me I was good! This widespread
need for a reflected sense of self has distorted our understanding
of what intimacy is and how we're supposed to get it. Enshrined in
the popular view is the assumption that intimacy involves
acceptance and/or reciprocal disclosure from your partner. We tell
ourselves that intimacy (and marriage) takes two people who are
willing to work at it - but, unfortunately, we rarely have the
slightest inkling of our 'job' assignments in this project."
So much of what
the author says reverberated with us (especially in the couples we
observe in our everyday lives) that we purchased a second copy so
we'd both have our own to mark up. For example, outside stimuli
have now become so powerful that our entire definition of physical
beauty has become distorted, causing us to seek fantasy over the
loveliness of reality (as in when we gain weight as we age). One
nugget is learning to love your partner for whom they are and
appreciate that physical specimen more over time.
We could go on
and on raving about this work, but we'll leave it to you to get
your own copy. If we have any criticism, it is that some folks may
find the depth a little daunting. This title is great for ALL
couples in ALL stages of marriage and/or relationships.
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