Synopsis: Using a process called "hypermia," which stretches the
main ligament of the penis, a pump does deliver extra size and thickness
with regular use.
Our Review:
Despite
13 years of reassurances from Eddy, I've always wished I had a
bigger dick. Yep, simple as that. I watch those studs in the
porn films and am constantly struck by "giant penis envy." I
know, I know, our wives/partners always say "size doesn't
matter" and the statistics say I'm average in size (6, er, 7
inches erect), but I still wanted to know what it would be
like to have a bigger dick. After all, if size doesn't matter,
why all the products for penis enlargement? Why the ads in the
sports section for penis enlargement surgery? And why do all
the porn flicks have dudes with huge dicks?! It's simple; size
DOES matter. At least it seems to for women who've had men
with big dicks. Do you think Pamela Anderson dates men with
small dicks after having Tommy Lee? Hell no. I wanted nine or
ten inches at least. I wanted my wife to know how those
fortunate women with their well-hung partners felt. The
problem for me, of course, was how to make it bigger. I'd be
damned if I was going to let some doctor near it with a
scalpel and the results promised by LongItude were still weeks
away. We had the newest Andrew Blake film to watch and I
needed size quickly.
Salvation
came in the form of the Head Coach Cock Pump, a simple device
designed to suck my penis to Peter North proportions. The ad
looked too promising to pass up, so $24.00 and Fedex priority
shipping had me giddily awaiting nightfall.
The DVD fired
up, the groping started, and we were ready for action before
scene two even started. I whipped out my Head Coach and had Eddy
position it over Freddy Jr. The pump is manual, so I watched
eagerly as my wife pumped the device into action. The
principle behind this is called "hypermia," which causes the
main ligament to stretch and the caverns of the penis to
expand, making the penis, well, grow bigger. And while I
didn't become Tommy Lee, I did see about an extra inch and a
half! It looked absolutely HUGE. Yeah! My wife's eyes were the
size of dinner plates! We actually started laughing.
The drawbacks
I anticipated were twofold. One, Eddy wasn't used to having
something this big head downtown and two, would she now be
addicted to the new size? Would I now have to sneak this thing
through airport security? Would the pump now take up permanent
residence under the pillow? Puzzling questions for sure. But
they'd have to wait. I was now THE MAN. In the John Holmes
stud club. Tommy Lee's new bro'. Time to rock my wife's world
and get ready for the hero worship to follow.
The sex to
follow was the usual amazing stuff. I let my tongue and
fingers prep her
for the giant ecstasy to follow and got down to business.
"Here it comes, baby!" whirled through my excited mind and in
I went. But,
wait a minute, I wasn't noticing anything DIFFERENT. And,
worse, SHE wasn't ACTING any different. She was moaning and
groaning just like always. Loving sex just as much with my new
manhood as she did with my old manhood. I thrusted harder.
Faster. Still no change. If anything, I was so focused on the
whole size thing that it distracted ME from maximizing my own
pleasure. I know, the payoff will come with the pay-LOAD. When
I finish up, she'll have to notice. I'll pull out and have her
finish me up with her hand. That'll HAVE to get her attention.
Nope, same thing. No great change. No worship. Just the usual
"stoned" look she always gets after sex. I was still just
Freddy to her.
Alas, the
Head Coach Cock Pump didn't provide the great salvation I was
seeking after all. It seems being average in size works quite
well for my wife and that she may have been telling the truth
the whole time. Maybe all the other women are telling the
truth, too. Sex really is for the moment and about so much
more than a big penis. I think the pump seems to work best for
men who are way below average in size, maybe 4 inches and
under. For them, it's a must-have. For while I agree BIG size
doesn't matter, LITTLE size does. The one cool benefit for men
like myself is that the pump definitely makes us "hang" lower
when not erect, which definitely does wonders for the self
esteem. For that alone, 24 bucks doesn't seem like such a
great expense. Now, let's see what LONG-itude does... |
Head
Coach Erection Pump
