Monthly Archives: April 2013

Yes! Yes! No… When Orgasms Just Don’t Match Up to Porn

Telegraph UK: Not all orgasms are loud, sweaty, ‘earth-moving’ experiences, says Dr Petra Boynton, who advises a reader that what you see in the movies is hardly ever like the real thing.

Faking it: If your orgasm isn’t like you see in a porn movie it’s easy to feel there is something wrong with you, says Dr Petra Boynton

Faking it: If your orgasm isn’t like you see in a movie it’s easy to feel there is something wrong with you, says Dr Petra Boynton

I think there is something wrong with my orgasms. I do have them and they’re nice but not ‘earth moving’ if you know what I mean. Is there something I can do to change this?

Before thinking about changing the way you have sex, it may help to consider more generally about what we’re told about orgasm. It might seem like an odd place to start but it may explain why you’ve been left feeling anxious that there is ‘something wrong’.

Mainstream movies feature women (and men) having loud, sweaty orgasms preceded by lots of heavy breathing and moaning (see also, porn). Magazines and self help books promise us ‘best ever’, ‘bed rattling’, ‘amazing’ orgasms. Instructing us to work towards having ‘bigger’ orgasms ‘every time’ we have sex; using competitive and goal-focused language where orgasm is always the end result of intercourse and is something to ‘achieve’ rather than experience.

In Western popular culture orgasms are consistently represented as explosive – aka The Pleasantville Experience.

If your orgasm isn’t like this it’s easy to feel there is something wrong with you.

Orgasm messages are often tied in with commercial ventures that further problematise pleasure – if we don’t have orgasms at all, don’t have them enough, or don’t consistently experience earth-shattering climaxes. The pharmaceutical industry is well known for medicalising these ‘orgasmic problems’. While sex product manufacturers are eager to sell us items that will give us ‘more mind-blowing orgasms’. Suggesting any pleasure we already experience is inadequate and that we should always be striving for orgasmic improvement.

Because we’re led to believe all orgasms should be frequent and fantastic, if we don’t fit this model we’re left feeling dysfunctional. Which can diminish the enjoyment we’re getting from masturbation or partnered sex, and from all the pleasurable things we enjoy instead of, or before or after orgasm.

All of this results in the silencing of diverse orgasmic experiences.

Step outside the aspirational, commercialised, goal-focused, medicalised and mediated world of orgasm and listen to people’s experiences and you hear reports of orgasms just like yours – something nice.

You will also hear people talk of regularly not having an orgasm but still enjoying intimacy. Of enjoying the pleasure that comes before an orgasm (particularly, but not exclusively, if they’re exploring fantasy, fetish or kink). Of experiencing some orgasms more intensely than others. For some people orgasm is very important, for others not so much. Some people are very distressed about not having an orgasm or not having the ‘right’ kind of one. Others are less concerned.

Knowing all this may be enough to reassure you that your orgasms are perfectly valid. It could be misleading information that has skewed your expectations. However, the above information is not offered to negate any changes you may wish to make to your sex life, so here are some additional options for exploring pleasure.

Firstly, tackle barriers to excitement. Sometimes people find it difficult to experience orgasm because they were raised to feel sex was bad or dirty. Learning more about intimacy with books like Paul Joannides‘Guide To Getting It On’ may be useful. Ensuring you have privacy and time to enjoy sex can be reassuring. Body image worries and confidence issues can be a barrier, as can relationship difficulties or communicating desire. Counseling or reflecting on how to express your needs may help.

Secondly, think about what feels good for you. Explore pleasure through masturbation on your own or with a partner. Try a lubricant. Experiment with vaginal and clitoral play but also see what other parts of your body feel good when touched. Vary the sexual positions you usually favour. These options and more are explored in depth in this piece from Cory Silverberg on experiencing different orgasms from your norm (linked to this are guides on orgasm, toys and books that may be useful).

It may be you experience different pleasures by trying the above. They may alter the way you view orgasm or how yours feel – physically or emotionally. You may continue to experience your orgasm as something ‘nice’. Which would make you similar to many other people – and not like the hype would have us believe.

Petra Boynton is a social psychologist and sex researcher working in International Health Care at University College London. Petra studies sex and relationships and is The Telegraph’s agony aunt. Follow her on Twitter @drpetra.

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Erotica: A Surprise Kitchen Blowjob

A Surprise Kitchen Blowjob

20130430tssWhen I came home that morning, slave-boy was making breakfast for himself. I had spent the evening at my academic adviser’s house drinking 2 bottles of wine and fighting over the best way to run the statistical analyses for my upcoming paper until 4 am. I had a million ideas I wanted to try out with my data, but I stayed in the kitchen to hear slave-boy’s story first.

Because I knew slave-boy had a much sexier night than I did – he had texted me the night before to ask if he could invite over a male coworker who was a curious bdsm novice. A few weeks earlier they had hesitatingly flirted with each other, and this was slave-boy’s chance to administer the 21 birthday spanks he had promised him. I wholeheartedly agreed: I love letting slave-boy enjoy other people and have diverse experiences with as many people as possible.

Apparently the night went really well, and slave-boy was eager to share it with me.

He took his time, carefully describing all the details of the evening (I will post his write-up of it soon) over the next 30 minutes. As he was kneeling before me telling me how he tied his cute coworker to the X-frame and gave him 21 smacks with several different implements, I was getting progressively more aroused. So aroused that I started touching myself when the story transitioned into the coworker tying slave-boy to the X-frame and giving him a long, passionate blowjob. Pretty impressive for a newbie, and pretty damn hot.

Just as the story got to the point of orgasm – complete with plastic bag breathplay and cum swallowing – my husband walked in the house. He had come up to Unitown to see me for a few days, attend my department talk two days later, and drive all three of us back to NYC for the famous fetish/swinger party we were all going to attend that Saturday.

His appearance at the door took me by surprise – I wasn’t expecting him until much later in the day, but I was happy to see him. We started chatting, yet all I could think about was that hot story and how I wanted a cock inside me. Leaning against the dishwasher, he kept me close, and I kept rubbing his cock through his jeans.

A is always horny when he hasn’t seen me for a while, but after reading my post ‘A Reminder to My Desire‘ last month, he tried to be conscious of the fact that I’m often not immediately ready to have sex with him. So he came prepared to take it slow and wait for me to show initiative. Only, this time, he didn’t have to wait. Primed by my slave’s story, I was ready to have sex right away.

I was soon on my knees sucking his cock while slave-boy kept quiet and continued to make breakfast.

A loves my blowjobs and hadn’t come in a couple of days, so he was ready to come from the minute I put his cock in my mouth. But I was just teasing him: I wanted to get fucked. I led him into the living room adjacent to the kitchen, bent over the sofa, and led his cock into my already dripping wet pussy. No lube needed.

He was on the verge of coming the whole time, so much so, that he couldn’t look down – the visual of his cock sliding in and out of my pussy was too much and was going to put him over the edge. To avoid that, he kept turning his head away from the action. It was funny catching that out of the corner of my eye.

Even though I was quite aroused, I was having a hard time coming and I knew he couldn’t hold it for much longer. I needed more stimulation. Anal sex could’ve done it, but I felt like that hole wasn’t exactly clean at the moment, so I wasn’t going to go there. Instead, I told him to put two fingers up my pussy while he was fucking me. He’s decently sized, but not too big, so there’s certainly some extra room in my pussy.

He reached around me and fit a couple of fingers in. That was really hot and put us both over the edge in a matter of minutes. As soon as I came, he pulled out and sprayed his cum all over my back.

“Bring me some paper towels and wipe my back clean,” I yelled out to slave-boy in the kitchen.

He did as he was told.

I later realized that the proper way to dispose of my husband’s cum would’ve been to have slave-boy lick it off of me. But given that we don’t all live together, there has been very little play between the three of us in the past, and that didn’t occur to me until much later. Oh well. Live and learn. This is all still new to me. And it’s certainly new to my husband.

I spent the rest of the day working on my upcoming presentation. Around midnight I was done, and still feeling incredibly horny. A was ready for more, and I started giving him a blowjob. This time, I didn’t want to get fucked: I wanted to come while sucking his cock. I love coming with a cock in my mouth. There is something incredibly arousing about that. Of course, it’s best when there’s another cock in my pussy or ass, but in the absence of that 2nd cock, my hand does the trick.

But for whatever reason, I was having a hard time coming – for a 2nd time that day. A, on the other hand, was on the verge of coming the whole time, so I ended up teasing him, pushing him to the edge and back countless times. He fucked my throat, he jerked off in my mouth, at some point he also jerked off just inches away from my mouth while kneeling on top of me, and that was really really hot. We talked about how I would hopefully get double penetrated at the play party we were going to that weekend, and fantasized about having 2 or 3 cocks in me… We even tried fucking, but my pussy was having none of it and went back to blowjobs + vigorous clit rubbing.

After a lot of back and forth, I finally came and A blew his load in my mouth.

Yet, I was still horny somehow. I went downstairs to say goodnight to my slave, and I tried to squeeze in another orgasm by sitting on my slave’s face. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working – I was highly aroused, yet unable to come, and no amount of suffocating him, torturing his nipples, and conjuring up sexy images with lots of cocks around me helped. After 10 minutes of that, I decided to call it a night. It was frustrating, but two orgasms were just going to have to do for the day.

Read more hot stories at Fleshbot Fiction. This story republished with permission from Pervertically Virtuous. Want to see your true tale of lust on Fleshbot? Contact us. See more hot photos at Explicite Art.

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Sex Positons 101: The Betty Rocker

Type of sex position: Her on top.
Degree of difficulty: Intermediate (but be careful).

The male should be on his back as the female straddles his legs. She can lean forward all the way, exposing her rear for anal stimulation or caressing of her cheeks and thighs.

bettyrocker

 

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Sex Positions 101: The Bull Horn

Type of sex position: Her on top.
Degree of difficulty: Intermediate.

The female starts with her back to the male, with his shoulders resting against the back of a chair. The male then places his hands on her waist as she places her hands on his outstretched legs.

bullhorn

 

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Sex Positions 101: Reverse Frog Squat

Type of sex position: Her on top, reverse.
Degree of difficulty: Intermediate to advanced.

The male sits with his legs parted and his knees bent. He opens his knees and the female can approach him by leaning back. In this position, the female is in control and should guide him into her.

reversefrogsquat

 

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Fleshbot’s True Sex Stories: The Scene…

An Impromptu Play Party: The Scene

20130426tssThis Saturday, slave-boy and I went to our first play party in a long time. Yesterday I wrote about the setup and the beginning of the party here. In this post, I let slave-boy tell you about the actual scene that Mistress G, he, and I did that night – apparently for the viewing pleasure of the entire party.

————————————————-

It started off simply enough. She told me that She and her Domme friend Mistress G were going to play with me. Apparently Mistress G is a breathplay aficionado, which seemed very promising already. I brought the gear bags over to bondage table. It was apparently hand-made by the host of the party, with exquisite leather upholstery and eyehooks following the contours of a prone body with arms slightly outspread. She and Mistress G were browsing the selection of hoods on the back side of the large equipment rack on the far end of the play space. They were both marveling at the variety of brutal sensory deprivation hoods and breathplay equipment. Mistress G eventually settled on a hood with only a mouth hose attached to an internal blow-up gag.

We walked back to the table and had me sit up on it. They took my collar off to let me get into the hood, making sure it fit properly and giving the inflatable gag a few squeezes. From this moment I started losing track of time. Something about being sealed up with eyesight gone and hearing much impaired starts me floating away. I was still coherent, but turned my focus to the delicious gag filling my mouth and the suction of the rubber onto my face with each breath. They locked the collar back around my neck and told me to lie down. I was a limp doll while they laced first my ankles, then my arms tightly to the bondage table, finishing with a few strands across my chest. I relished the tight restriction- I could barely move at all. I’ve never been secured this tightly to anything before. I felt completely safe and eagerly (sluttily) awaiting the suffering at my two tormentors’ hands.

Here’s where things get a bit fuzzy. I remember making quite a fuss as She clipped electrodes to my nipples – I had to remind Her to put some electrolytic lube. But once that was settled, I mentally just lay back for the ride. I breathed slowly and deeply, almost not realizing when they were cutting off my breath until the mask started sucking onto my face a little more. The feeling of two hands on me at the same time was exhilarating. One set might be tweaking my nipples and making me flex and moan while the other was tickling my feet or brutalizing my poor cock with bare hands or a cane. At some point Mistress G discovered a crop-flogger (clogger? flop?). She’d told Mistress G that I could take a lot of pain. After their last cooperative topping session together, that must have been exciting.

In short – I got the worst CBT I’ve ever had, and this is including needles. They turned up the nipple electrodes until I was already grunting and spasming, then they went to town. Multiple hard bare-hand smacks on my cock which was flat against my stomach. Me straining and screaming like an animal as the blows kept raining down. Then there’d be the crop-flogger. And my breath would be cut off. It got to the point where I’d scream if they even touched my cock, especially my cock head. To give me a break, they’d switch to hard slaps on my thighs, cane strokes on my feet, or some wonderful nipple tweaking and sucking. She bit my upper arm and I almost cried from the relief of that much more welcome pain.

At some point they paused and She walked behind me and gripped my head between Her hands. She asked if I was ready to hold my breath for Her. I enthusiastically agreed. I was in a positive mental space and felt confident I wouldn’t panic, and I was right – I managed to hold on for about a minute (She said) in absolute calm, enjoying the feeling of letting go and consciously keeping myself from spasming or panicking. The best part was when She counted to ten. Her reassuring voice, close to my head so I could hear its warm breathiness, telling me She was so proud helped so much.

Eventually my cock was so bruised that She forbade Mistress G from touching it. It seemed like things might have to come to an end. Someone came over to ask if She was gonna make me come. “I don’t think so. At least, not yet.” She smiled slyly.

“Do you think your poor tortured cock could take a bit of riding? I would really like an orgasm…” She wanted to know.

“I don’t know, Miss, but you should try.” I replied.

She took her panties off, and still wearing her skirt and boots, climbed on top of me. My bruised cock hurt, but, apparently, it could take a bit of riding. I was on the verge of an orgasm, so she had to be very careful not to push me over the edge. She learned to avoid my cum buttons (i.e., my nipples), and would only suffocate me to keep me just aroused and stiff enough to ride me to Her satisfaction. The pain in my cock must’ve helped too, and I managed to hold it long enough for Her to cum. In fact, She kept Herself so quiet and still – in order not to incite me too much – that I didn’t even realize She was coming until She did, finally letting out a few moans. I nuzzled and thanked Her for using me as I always do. Someone snapped a photo just before she climbed off me.She decided to be merciful and allow me to come, even though I had just come without permission accidentally a few days earlier. She held my breath and jerked me slowly to a screaming, roaring orgasm.

I shook my head “no” when She asked if I wanted out of the hood while they untied me. I could have stayed in there forever.

“That was the best scene of the night” the hostess told us. “I don’t want to belittle other people’s scenes, but your was quite something! You’re welcome back any time.”

Multiple people remarked on how hard we played. W/we didn’t think it was particularly hard. That is just how W/we play. But W/we were glad to have provided interesting entertainment, and would love to be back for more.

Read more hot stories at Fleshbot Fiction. This story republished with permission from Pervertically Virtuous. Want to see your true tale of lust on Fleshbot? Contact us. See more hot femdom action at Divine Bitches.

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Product Review: Body Bare Intimate Shaver

Synopsis: The successor to the Feather Touch, this shaver now offers cordless operation and closer shaves.

Our Review: We’ve always been squeamish about using a razor to trim our nether-regions. So, for the last two years, we’ve been quite happy using the Feather Touch cordless shaver to keep things neat and tidy. The product has been a workhorse, never complaining no matter how tough the job and wonderfully conservative when it comes to battery life.

With such a great experience, we had high expectations when the company sent us their latest evolution – The Body Bare – which is smaller, more powerful, rechargeable, and purports to shave even closer than our Feather Touch. And we’re happy to report it delivers on all counts. Using a healthy dose of baby powder, you first trim yourself using a “pre-shaver” called a Ladyfair, then finish off the area using the Body Bare, moving in circular motions until the desired area is clear. For those not wishing to go totally bare, they also have a very cool toothbrush-shaped device called The Feminine, which actually may be all you need depending on your preferences.

If you’re interested in purchasing a Body Bare or need more info, click here or on the image/links above.

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Sex Positions 101: The Tribal Dance

Type of sex position: Missionary.
Sex position degree of difficulty: Beginner to intermediate.

While the female is on her back, she should lift one leg and bend it at the knee. The male should be on top with his chest against hers and one leg against the lifted leg. The male then controls the movements.

tribledance

 

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Sex Positions 101: Southern Exposure

The male should lie down on his back as the female straddles him from the opposing position. Her weight should be supported by her hands and knees. The motion resembles swinging back and forth.

southernexposure

 

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Product Review: The Screaming O-Joy

Synopsis: A robust cock ring with a pressure applicable clitoris stimulator.

Eddy’s Review: The enhancement of a cock-ring is usually marketed to men. But as time trudges forward, so does the creativity of sex enhancers. The company Screaming O, known for their cock-rings which usually vibrate, has introduced the O-Joy.

The O-Joy is a cock-ring made of gel which is very pliable and stretches to encompass the male shaft. It is 3 ½” long in length with an opening of 1”, that can be stretched to 6”. The purpose of the cock-ring is to hold the blood in the shaft after the male has become erect to enhance the length of time and hardness for an erection. The little jewel of the O-Joy is that the top 2” of the cock-ring has a bulbous design with various nubbins on one underside and a finger indentation on the top side. This part of the O-Joy is for receiving partner. It enables the either partner to push down on the extended bulbous part to lay and rub against the clitoris as the wearer of the O-Joy thrusts in and out. It really lets the couple play with a different style of stimulation instead of the normal vibration of a “bullet”. The vibration from the “bullet” style cock-rings sometimes it too strong for the couples involved, which may make it uncomfortable.

When we first tried the O-Joy, we almost thought it would not be a good enhancer to our play since we are both so used to vibration. But as we tried it, we found that as we slowed down and really took our time to find our groove to get our own rhythm. I really liked using the extended piece to place it just where I needed it to be to enhance my own clitoral stimulation. I think it is a useful piece, especially if partners aren’t used to or do not want any vibration stimulation.

Freddy’s Review: Posting shortly…

In summary, we really like this little toy. It’s nicely priced, allows one to control the amount of stimulation, and provides the benefits of cock rings in general.

To learn more about or purchase The Screaming O-Joy, click here to visit our online store or visit their website here.

 

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