Monthly Archives: September 2013

5 Ways To Keep Married Sex Exciting

By Mary Jo Rapini for YourTango.com

Current television programs, magazine articles, movies and music don’t represent marriage very well. The area they do the worst job covering is married sex. In many ways, even though most of the single people I know want to get married, the marriage rate has gone down. Couples who believed that cohabitating would keep their sex hot have been disillusioned and disappointed when they find out that what keeps sex hot is the security of a committed relationship.

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Porn Addiction Study Takes A WHACK At Fapstronauts

So, it turns out there’s a group on Reddit, called NoFap (a slang term for the sound of male masturbation) which challenges participants – or “Fapstronauts” – who think they may be addicted to porn to abstain from porn and masturbation to break their porn watching habits. Well, the good folks at Project Know put together the following profile, using raw data, on said group to visually graph their personalities, traits, and everything such data can tell us. Are you a porn addict? Here’s their findings…

fapstronauts

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Book Review: Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century

Synopsis: Sexual and spiritual bliss for today’s fast-paced world. The ancient practice of Tantra is both explained and updated for modern sexual explorers desiring to push past their edge in search of the great cosmic orgasm.

Freddy and Eddy Say: There are dozens, if not hundreds, of books on the market regarding tantra, or tantric sex. We have been fortunate to come into contact with actual teachers and practitioners of this sexual philosophy (which basically boils down to living in the moment, sexually, and taking one’s time) and enjoy incorporating tantra into our love making whenever the opportunity arises. Without going into too much detail, this may mean breathing together while in intimate situations, focusing on eye contact, finding pleasure in avoiding climax, and a number of other practical methods for enhancing overall stimulation.

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Product Review: Eroscillator Ultra Soft Finger Attachment

eroscillaatorsoftfinger

Synopsis: The ultra soft finger attachment is a pillow foam tip, encased in silicone, that works with the Eroscillator line of oscillating stimulation products.

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Hot Erotica: Double Teaming A Woman With My Husband (via Fleshbot.com)

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The night after our fivesome, Ace had arranged an FMF threesome with Bonnie, a hot 40-year-old surfer chick from Jersey. The two had met at the high-end sex party we went to a few months back (while I was busy doing my breathplay + electroplay scene with slave-boy), but she wasn’t playing that night. When they finally fucked a few weeks ago, Ace said it was some of the best, and roughest, sex he’d had in a long time. So he was eager to meet up with her again, this time with me included.

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8 Ways to Keep Sex Hot After 40!

playafashionus

Living post-40’s life to its fullest at Burning Man 2007.

Sexual passion in long term relationships can be difficult enough to sustain. We’ve been together over a quarter century and have certainly experienced a range of issues over this long period, chief among them the simple fact that we’ve aged into midlife along the way. Our 3-4 times sex per day dating days have given way to a more modest 1-3 times per week as we approach our 50 year birthdays, respectively, and try as we might neither of us is immune to financial pressures, fatigue, or general malaise from time to time. Still, there’s no lack of intimacy in our everyday relationship as we continue to treasure each other’s company, touch, and all that comes with such a deep commitment, even if it does take a bit more effort. Sex for us is a process, and whether or not it leads to intercourse we find passion in the moment, regardless of our age, physical condition, or financial situation. Getting older, though, does present its own set of challenges and here are some helpful pointers to keep things steamy – or at least foggy – in the bedroom into your mature years.

1. Understand the facts… Testosterone and Sex

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How to Talk to Your Kids About Porn, by Dr. Peggy Drexler

Original article can be found here on Huffington Post…

Dr. Peggy Drexler

Author, research psychologist and gender scholar.

Seen Often Enough, the Unusual or Bizarre Can Seem Usual

Posted: 09/20/2013 1:10 pm

The new film Lovelace recounts the days when viewing porn meant looking both ways before slinking into a dark and dubious establishment. These days, of course, there are no dark rooms required. A widely-reported University of Montreal study concluded 90 percent of all pornography comes from the web; boys, the study reports, seek out porn by age 10. And as for breadth of content, a few quick search terms can direct you – often unintentionally — to a hardcore porn site that proclaims itself “the largest bestiality” source online. You might want to be there when your child searches: “My Little Pony.”

While usage numbers vary, it’s clear that the supply of porn is bountiful, and much of it is free. Predicted consequences, however, tend to depend on agenda. For boys (still the prime consumer), porn use may poison attitudes toward women, create confidence-sapping comparisons of dimensions and performance, crowd out actual relationships and even carvenew neural pathways. Seen often enough, the unusual or bizarre can seem usual, setting up new expectations for both genders. Recall an early episode of HBO’s Girls in which Hannah passively allows herself to be flipped over while her partner performs anal sex until he’s satisfied. Boys see rougher, less mutually agreeable sex through porn and act it out in real life. Girls acquiesce.

Is it any surprise? Excessive violence in films and on TV has been joined by excessive sex, much of it acted out according to porn-established norms: The girl dresses up like a porn star; the boy ejaculates immediately. Even Disney films contain veiled references and insinuations, never mind what they’re seeing on cable TV. Even if much of this is artistic commentary, without discussion, kids begin to believe this is how sex really works. As for porn, blocking and filtering are simply denial. Kids are naturally sexually curious, and will find their way to it. Parents should know how to respond before the questions are even asked.

Questions like: What is porn? Is it the Victoria’s Secret catalog? Am I ‘bad’ if I like looking at porn? What does ‘normal’ sex look like? For parents, the job is to keep the answers frank and honest. And frequent. Say that porn is part of sexuality, but it doesn’t define it. It’s a commercial enterprise that makes money by taking a natural and beautiful part of being human to the extreme, saturating it with lurid excess. Watch it if you want to, but remember: What you see has nothing to do with who you are, or how you’ll interact with a partner in real life. Teenagers in particular have a need to understand what is real and what is made for entertainment. Help them figure it out — which includes watching it yourself to find out what, exactly, they’re seeing. (Chances are you’ll be surprised.) Break down scenes and relay truths: No, stamina is not a measure of manhood; yes, both partners should experience pleasure from the act. Let kids of all ages know that porn is not a taboo topic; that they can, and should, ask you about anything they might have seen, or think they want to see. Then direct the conversation to their feelings — how did you feel about what you saw? — and assure them that all feelings are normal.

And if kids don’t have questions, or seem too shy to ask, it’s the parents’ job to both start and continue the dialogue. Silence doesn’t mean lack of curiosity. Let them know that sexuality is complicated, and that people often have complicated feelings about it that may take years to understand. Keep in mind that girls are just as curious as boys, so don’t leave daughters out of the conversation. And most of all, don’t freak out when you walk in on them watching. Their interest is normal, and they shouldn’t be made to feel otherwise. Remember that the way to live with porn is to help kids put it in perspective and to develop a critical eye towards what they’re seeing.

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Sex Toy Product Review: Ovo K2 Rabbit Style Vibrator

ovok2Synopsis: A small, low-priced, yet powerful sex toy that puts more expensive rivals (Lelo, are you listening?) to shame.

Our Review: After years of trying virtually every type of sex toy ever invented, and in all price ranges, styles, colors, and material compositions, we’ve lately tried to turn our attention toward finding bargains in these unsettled economic times, and no company we’ve come across embodies orgasms-on-the-cheap quite like German manufacturer Ovo. We’ve written reviews of two of their vibrators – the T1 and D1 – and placed our order for their medium sized rabbit device, following their eschewing of catchy product names and simply titled the K2. Could this Lelo Ina knockoff deliver similar orgasms at less than half the cost?

The answer to that question would be an emphatic YES, but we’ll get to that in a moment. The Ovo K2 rabbit vibrator is a medium sized device, approximately 10″ in total length, with an insert able length of just over 5″. The rabbit “ear” protrudes outward about 2.5″ and can be flexed into just about perpendicular from the toy. There is one motor located inside the silicone shaft, which is controlled via four buttons on its base/housing, and a snug end cap twists off to reveal the battery compartment (the K2 takes two AAA batteries). The K2 has three speed settings and another five programming modes, enabling a variety of different options and, as a bonus, is waterproof for shower or bath play. The packaging is top notch as with all of their other toys, with the K2 set neatly inside a sturdy and elegantly designed box with the product’s picture adorning the front. How they manage to produce such a lovely presentation for under $50.00 is almost inconceivable. As an aside, Ovo guarantees their product for FIFTEEN YEARS, though we are a bit unclear as to how one goes about returning a defective item to Germany as suggested on their website.

Once put into use the Ovo performed every bit up to standards set by products costing double its price. The K2 produced three ejaculations (yes, yes, we know, Eddy is a master of this, but still…) in short order and its size made for an easy clitoral addition when engaging in intercourse. We took it into the shower for some water play and dared to actually submerge it (which the instructions specifically warn against, but we did it anyway) and the K2 took on no water – none – in its battery compartment (whew!). Just for kicks, we dusted off our Lelo Ina, obviously an inspiration for the K2, and compared them side by side. Though the Ina boasts a second motor and a few more programming options, the results were close in terms of effectiveness. The Ovo K2 manages plenty of stimulation despite the absence of a second power plant and its just as quiet. In terms of value, we give the nod to the $100.00 less expensive Ovo.

In summation, we are going to go ahead and order the rest of the Ovo lineup and replace some of our older, redundant toys. The K2 is an awesome bargain and great compliment to any couples toy arsenal, whether beginner or advanced or somewhere in between.

Interested in purchasing an Ovo K2 Silicone Rabbit waterproof vibrator? Please click here or on the links above to visit out online store. Your purchases help keep this site free for everyone!

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How to Keep Your Sex Life Going After Adopting a Puppy

 

Our newest family member, Karma.

Our newest family member, Karma.

In early September of this year (being 2013), our late night television watching – at 11:15 pm to be exact – we were interrupted by a soft knock on our door. To provide context, we quite literally keep our door open almost all day, everyday, and see a constant stream of friends coming through, whether it be for morning coffee, a hot meal, or simply good conversation. Being adherents of the Burning Man community, we are comfortable sharing as much of our resources as we can with those in our lives and have maintained our “open door policy” for the better part of our 26 year history together. Hence, though the hour was late, we weren’t worried or overly surprised that someone would stop by, figuring it might be a neighbor or friend on the way through or in need of something.

What greeted us that night, however, was something we definitely could not have anticipated – a teary eyed man holding a puppy. Stunned, we stood in our doorway as he explained that he and his girlfriend (who was waiting, crying with her head buried in her hands, in their truck outside) had been evicted earlier that day from their apartment and were on their way to a friend’s home 400 miles away in northern California. They saw our door open and took a shot and knocked, hoping we could take the dog and either keep it ourselves or find it a good home as they simply were too overwhelmed to continue as its owner. After seeing the two of them in such despondency, we did the only thing we felt was right and accepted the dog. They then drove off and we found ourselves in the care of the mutt pictured above, without a clue as to what breed she is or so much as a name by which to call her.

Well, you probably know where this is headed. After three days of caring for this new addition to our household, we were smitten and are now dog owners for the first time. Most of our friends own dogs and offered to help us with advice and several names were suggested; we settled on our good friend, Teri’s suggestion and went with “Karma.” Given how she came into our lives, we figured it appropriate and, though we’d looked forward to an animal-free home as our 21 year old cat, Whiskers, heads into his final weeks, we must admit that Karma has injected a healthy dose of fun and challenge to our hectic household.

That said, we have encountered one specific obstacle that has us a tad off-kilter; that is the fact that having this dog in our household has put a serious damper on our sex life. When we leave her alone for some “intimate time,” she barks and whines; if we allow her into our bedroom, she jumps up on the bed and interrupts us; and even throwing her into our backyard results in Karma throwing herself against the back door and yapping. Crating her works fine for sleeping and Karma does fine keeping quiet through the night; however, if we so much as make a sound she wakes up and yelps to be let out. It’s almost like being parents again as we had to sacrifice sex to diaper changes, sleep deprivation, and middle of the night feedings when our son was an infant.

After ten days of forced sexual abstinence, we turned to Elisha Stynchula, owner of I Said Sit, one of LA’s most respected dog training facilities. Her recommendation, “Get her OUT of your bedroom, at the very least your BED!” Elisha suggested either waiting a few more weeks until Karma would be fully acclimated to her night time crate ritual or removing her from our bedroom, entirely. “You need to have your own space,” dog or no dog,” Stynchula lectured, “You don’t let your child in your room at night anymore, do you?” Her advice was backed up by a neighbor directly across our street, who never, EVER allows their dog into their bedroom, no matter how much he whines or protests. “You need to establish boundaries and set a routine, for both YOU and the dog,” Elisha urges. She cautions against giving in to our own need to cuddle with our dog in bed and to instead find a more neutral area of the house for affection.

Professional animal trainer Nathalie Jobin-Maybury agrees with Stynchula, “Maybe designate a special time and space on your couch for bonding with your dog(s),” Jobin-Maybury preaches, “Over time, your pup will adapt and it will become second nature, giving her the confidence to be less needy when you’re not giving her attention. Keep the dog out of the bedroom for now until you’re able to establish boundaries within. Sounds like the pup just needs to be taught to be ok with being alone. We’ve been very lucky with our dog, Mattie. She happily sleeps in her own bed at night. In our bedroom too. She never sleeps in our bed unless one of us gets out, usually Dave (her husband) for work and then she crawls in to join me. We are also lucky that if Dave and I get intimate, she vacates the premises. It makes her uncomfortable and she leaves, which I think is great because having her in the room watching is a no go for me and having to break the moment to put her out of the room is a damper. I will say that when Mattie came into our lives, there was a dip in our sex lives too. For different reasons than yours. For me it was like I suddenly became a mother and my priorities went to the ‘child’ and sex became a distant need/want.”

Obviously, we will be experimenting with these tidbits of knowledge and adjusting as we go, but for now our libidos are put on hold as we attempt to find a workable solution to our needy new family member. A dog may be “man’s best friend,” but our little pup is certainly no friend of our sex life. If you have any suggestions, PLEASE comment – HELP!!!

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Men’s Health: 8 Red-Hot Ways to Have More Sex

8 Red-Hot Ways to Have More Sex

by Madeline Haller

Great news, guys: You’re not the only horny one around the house. According to a new survey from Yahoo! Shine, roughly half of all women want sex more often.

Now that you’re armed with that awesome knowledge, it’s time to chart your next move. Read this advice from the country’s top sexperts to seduce your partner and start having the wild sex life that you deserve.

erotic portrait of young woman in lingerie
Get more of this. Every night.

1. Send Her a Sexy Text
It’s simple science: Women take longer to become aroused. So if you’re looking to get lucky later in the evening, start by piquing her interest early. How? Sext her. (No,seriously.) “Sexting can be extremely hot for a woman,” says Dr. Ava Cadell, founder of Loveology University. Women are much more auditory than men, she explains. So reading something sexy—like how badly you crave her taste—will only plant the seed of anticipation in her head. (But before you hit send, learn how to Be a Smarter Sexter.)

2. Speak Up
No one wants to have sex with someone who’s completely silent the entire time, so make yourself heard. “Most women find dirty talk extremely sexy,” says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. So whether it’s grunts, moans, or just whispering in her ear, any sort of verbal reaction will help her get riled up, says Brame.

3. Slow It Down
Arousal doesn’t start the minute you enter the bedroom. And simply getting naked doesn’t mean she’s ready to go, says Brame. To up her heat index, Brame recommends taking your time when stripping down. Unbutton her clothes and remove them slowly. Kiss her bare skin and spend extra time in the area you just disrobed. “Women need to be able to relax and get into a good mindset,” says Brame.

4. Step Out of the Box
Kissing her neck is always a wise move, but switching things up will only work in your favor. Your move: Focus on something more foreign, like her hands. “Start by kissing her fingertips and then slowly spread her fingers apart, licking in between each one,” says Cadell. “Women like to be teased, so this sultry symbolism (licking in between her fingers versus her legs) will rev up her sex drive.”

5. She Comes First
Women are more open to sex if they know their needs are going to be met, says Cadell. So rather than issuing your own sexual demands, focus on hersatisfaction instead. Hone in on the areas that especially put her in the mood: Her ears, neck, and inner thighs are all surprising hot spots that can push her over the edge. And since women like spontaneity, never stay in one area for too long, says Cadell.

6. Compliment Her Goods
If you want oral sex to play a bigger role in your sexcapades, make sure she knows how crazy you are about her body. Research has shown that women who are more comfortable with their genitals are not only more open to receiving oral sex, but they enjoy it more and orgasm more, says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., sex researcher at Indiana University and author of Sex Made Easy. The next time you spend some time below the belt, tell her how much you love the way she looks, tastes, and smells, Herbenick advises. Your words will benefit the both of you in the long run. (And for more of Herbenick’s advice, learn How to Be Great in Bed.)

7. Forge a New Path
Don’t put her on the spot by asking her what she wants mid-romp, says Brame. Yes, communication is key for good sex. But expecting her to give you a step-by-step walk-through on how to pleasure her isn’t exactly getting her off. It puts pressure on her because she thinks she has to respond with something new and kinky, when she should just be enjoying the moment, says Brame.

“Women like men who are in control,” says Cadell. So instead of asking, “what do you want me to do to you?” try experimenting on your own, and then asking her if it feels good.

8. Cook for More Sex
Keep in mind that heavy meals do not pair well with sex. “When your body is full of food, your first instinct is to just lay around and digest,” says Brame. Plus, if a woman is full, the last thing she’s going to want to do is strip off her clothes, she explains. So if you’re planning to wine and dine her, make sure to keep the meal light and sexy.

And here’s a fun fact: Black licorice has been shown to speed up her genital bloodflow by 40 percent, Cadell says. So try incorporating it and other aphrodisiacs—including wine and chocolates—into your pre-sex routine. (Looking for sexy meal ideas? Find the hottest bedroom foods in The Big Book of Sex.)

More from MensHealth.com:

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