By Ian and Alicia Denchasy
aka Freddy and Eddy
In 2000, we began this website as an ongoing exercise in keeping our relationship fresh and exciting – sexually – by seeking to expand our relationship boundaries (though stopping short of exceeding monogamy) through sex toys, BDSM, watching porn and reading erotica, role playing, love making experimentation, and education. Looking back over the last 15 years or so, it would be an understatement to say we’ve tried just about everything a long-term marriage could bear in terms of intimacy, and it goes without saying that many of our forays resulted in spectacular sensual highs we continue to enjoy sporadically – anal sex, vibrators, spanking, to name a few – while others fell flat and faded over time (porn watching, BDSM, and reading erotica). Indeed, whereas we once gauged our sexual health by high frequency intercourse, we’ve now become satisfied with once or twice per week, enduring long stretches of inactivity without the need to seek marriage counseling or panic because we think it a sign we’ve lost our physical passion. Our own assessment finds our sex life has settled into a pattern of boring predictability; however, rather than recoil at this undeniable cooling of our once mighty libidos, we find plenty of excitement in our lust for both each other and the remainder of our lives together.
Part of our resignation comes simply due to age, both mentally and physically. We are both currently in our 50’s, have been married well over a quarter century, and have together weathered thousands of disagreements, three major recessions, multiple job changes, raising a child to adulthood, bidding farewell to our departed parents, bodily ailments, and two failed business ventures, just to name a few examples, and yet have come out just as connected and respectful of our union than we could’ve imagined when we met in our early 20’s. That said, we are slightly worn, meaning less energy and patience to power through late nights, hangovers, long drives, bad food, and finding the gumption to have sex in an uncomfortable car or engage in hours of foreplay when our backs are sore. Menopause has affected one side, erectile dysfunction the other. Also, as tough as it is to admit, we’re not the lithe, fit, head-turning attractive couple we once were, having not only added a few pounds throughout our frames, but grey hairs as well. We love reading fawning odes to long married husbands and wives professing strong levels of sexual desire for one another; in our case, however beautiful and sexy we find each other, it will never compare to those four-times-a-day romps in our dating days.
One may be tempted to read these words with a sense of wistfulness and fatality, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, it may surprise many that we continue to enjoy a level of sexual satisfaction that rivals any period that’s preceded our advanced years. Between our regular dog walks, work, seeing our son wind down his high school years, and watching our favorite Netflix shows (“Bojack Horseman” and “Longmire,” respectively) we still manage to find the gumption to shlep out to Burning Man each year, dance all night in Hollywood on occasion, and even muster up the energy for the occasional bedroom tryst (aided by Cialis, of course) and it’s damned good.
To be continued…