Tag Archives: better sex

The Psychology Of Sex: Why It’s Impossible To Get Over Your ‘Best’

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By Sheena Sharma (via Elite Daily)

“Who are you sleeping with?”

“Mr. Big.”

“But, Carrie, he was such an assh*le to you!”

“No, not really… Look, Big and I, we just have this… physical… thing.”

In season two of “Sex and the City,” Carrie Bradshaw attempts to justify to her friends why she is seeing Mr. Big again, despite the fact that he treated her like total crap the first time around.

Please click this link to continue reading this article…

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Why Sex Should Be Treated As A Spiritual Practice

All relationships have a system. Some systems work well and some are dysfunctional.

Mention the word sex and eyes widen and ears perk up. The strong reaction the subject arouses reflects the spicy nature of sexual energy. We may be at the gym feeling tired and depleted, but if someone we find attractive starts working out next to us, our energy level is suddenly boosted. That energetic intensification represents the activation of our Lower Dantian (energy center below the navel), which holds our sexual energy in reserve. Continue reading

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Don’t wait to be horny to have sex. Instead, have sex to get horny!

Don’t Wait for Desire: Reverse the Equation

Don’t wait to be horny to have sex. Instead, have sex to get horny!
Published on April 29, 2013 by Laurie B. Mintz, Ph.D. in Stress and Sex

There is one piece of advice, steeped in scientific evidence, which has the potential to improve countless sex lives. This advice is most relevant for women in long-term committed relationships. The advice:

If you wait until you feel horny to have sex, you may never have sex again! So, don’t wait to feel horny to engage in a sexual encounter. Instead, put it on your schedule and allow the sexual encounter itself to get you horny.

This advice goes against everything we are taught. We are taught that the sexual response cycle is linear, starting with sexual desire. These feelings of desire cause us to seek out sex. The sex gets us aroused. If we are lucky, we have an orgasm. We then undergo a resolution or rest phase. In other words, the cycle is one of desire, arousal, orgasm, resolution. Rinse, lather and repeat.

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How Important Is Sex to A Relationship?

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Do we as a society over emphasize the importance of sex to the detriment of our relationships?

By Freddy and Eddy

According to the latest government statistics, the top five reasons for divorce are as follows:

1. Infidelity
2. Communication breakdown
3. Physical, psychological, or emotional abuse
4. Financial stress
5. Sexual incompatibility

As you can see, two of the top five involve sex, with infidelity finally jumping ahead of financial stress after many years of holding the top trouble spot. Sex, it seems, occupies an immensely important role in the success of couples, despite the fact that, according to the Kinsey Institute, the average number of times per week that sexual intercourse takes place is less than twice and that figure drops as couples age (as an aside, married couples tend to have more sex than single individuals who date). Is it possible we simply put too much importance on having a hot sex life when in fact a merely tepid one will be just as rewarding?

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Men’s Health: 8 Red-Hot Ways to Have More Sex

8 Red-Hot Ways to Have More Sex

by Madeline Haller

Great news, guys: You’re not the only horny one around the house. According to a new survey from Yahoo! Shine, roughly half of all women want sex more often.

Now that you’re armed with that awesome knowledge, it’s time to chart your next move. Read this advice from the country’s top sexperts to seduce your partner and start having the wild sex life that you deserve.

erotic portrait of young woman in lingerie
Get more of this. Every night.

1. Send Her a Sexy Text
It’s simple science: Women take longer to become aroused. So if you’re looking to get lucky later in the evening, start by piquing her interest early. How? Sext her. (No,seriously.) “Sexting can be extremely hot for a woman,” says Dr. Ava Cadell, founder of Loveology University. Women are much more auditory than men, she explains. So reading something sexy—like how badly you crave her taste—will only plant the seed of anticipation in her head. (But before you hit send, learn how to Be a Smarter Sexter.)

2. Speak Up
No one wants to have sex with someone who’s completely silent the entire time, so make yourself heard. “Most women find dirty talk extremely sexy,” says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. So whether it’s grunts, moans, or just whispering in her ear, any sort of verbal reaction will help her get riled up, says Brame.

3. Slow It Down
Arousal doesn’t start the minute you enter the bedroom. And simply getting naked doesn’t mean she’s ready to go, says Brame. To up her heat index, Brame recommends taking your time when stripping down. Unbutton her clothes and remove them slowly. Kiss her bare skin and spend extra time in the area you just disrobed. “Women need to be able to relax and get into a good mindset,” says Brame.

4. Step Out of the Box
Kissing her neck is always a wise move, but switching things up will only work in your favor. Your move: Focus on something more foreign, like her hands. “Start by kissing her fingertips and then slowly spread her fingers apart, licking in between each one,” says Cadell. “Women like to be teased, so this sultry symbolism (licking in between her fingers versus her legs) will rev up her sex drive.”

5. She Comes First
Women are more open to sex if they know their needs are going to be met, says Cadell. So rather than issuing your own sexual demands, focus on hersatisfaction instead. Hone in on the areas that especially put her in the mood: Her ears, neck, and inner thighs are all surprising hot spots that can push her over the edge. And since women like spontaneity, never stay in one area for too long, says Cadell.

6. Compliment Her Goods
If you want oral sex to play a bigger role in your sexcapades, make sure she knows how crazy you are about her body. Research has shown that women who are more comfortable with their genitals are not only more open to receiving oral sex, but they enjoy it more and orgasm more, says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., sex researcher at Indiana University and author of Sex Made Easy. The next time you spend some time below the belt, tell her how much you love the way she looks, tastes, and smells, Herbenick advises. Your words will benefit the both of you in the long run. (And for more of Herbenick’s advice, learn How to Be Great in Bed.)

7. Forge a New Path
Don’t put her on the spot by asking her what she wants mid-romp, says Brame. Yes, communication is key for good sex. But expecting her to give you a step-by-step walk-through on how to pleasure her isn’t exactly getting her off. It puts pressure on her because she thinks she has to respond with something new and kinky, when she should just be enjoying the moment, says Brame.

“Women like men who are in control,” says Cadell. So instead of asking, “what do you want me to do to you?” try experimenting on your own, and then asking her if it feels good.

8. Cook for More Sex
Keep in mind that heavy meals do not pair well with sex. “When your body is full of food, your first instinct is to just lay around and digest,” says Brame. Plus, if a woman is full, the last thing she’s going to want to do is strip off her clothes, she explains. So if you’re planning to wine and dine her, make sure to keep the meal light and sexy.

And here’s a fun fact: Black licorice has been shown to speed up her genital bloodflow by 40 percent, Cadell says. So try incorporating it and other aphrodisiacs—including wine and chocolates—into your pre-sex routine. (Looking for sexy meal ideas? Find the hottest bedroom foods in The Big Book of Sex.)

More from MensHealth.com:

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Sex and Fitness: Good Health = Great Sex

Finding your sex life ain’t what it used to be? Maybe you need to hit the gym…

From Psychology Today…

marieLeg cramps, problems catching your breath, overall fatigue, dehydration – all of these things can happen during sex. On top of these issues, you might suddenly in the midst of passion, think of all of your woobly bits – the parts of your body you dislike. Maybe, to make matters even worse, you realize the position you are in and your partner’s perspective of your body. “Ugh!” you sigh.

Sex can be physically tiring, just like any other physical activity, particularly if it’s sustained for a long duration. With the spring around the corner, and people’s thoughts turn to love (and lust), now is a good time to think about exercise. The link between physical fitness and sex is an interesting one, and one that should not be underestimated.

Getting enough sleep, eating right and reducing stress are all important for having a satisfying sex life, but they are also really obvious and talked about elsewhere at length. What is less discussed is the importance of getting exercise before you end up in bed with your special someone.

Exercise that is performed over a sustained time leads to a so-called “runner’s high,” caused by the release of endorphins. These endorphins are stimulating, and as well as causing us to feel great, they stimulate the release of sex hormones. The added bonus is that exercise causes us to feel better. It elevates our mood and creates a feeling of calmness (albeit after we have had a chance to cool off and relax). The lowering of heart rate, improved digestion, lowered blood pressure and lowered stress hormone levels combine with the feelings of well being caused by the endorphins. Add to that an increase of another hormone, oxytocin, and the result is a relaxed, content, person.

lcgallery4exampleFor women, the link between exercise and sex has been explored by Cindy Meston and her colleagues. Their results indicate that working out – albeit vigorously – primes women’s bodies for sexual activity. It is not simply that exercise increases genital blood flow or makes women sexually aroused. Instead, there seems to be something, as of yet unidentified, that prepares women’s bodies. After working out, she found that women’s bodies respond faster and more intensely to sexual content (such as an erotic film). Her findings are exciting because they counter the long held belief that relaxation is necessary for a good sexual experience, and assumption that might be due to the link between anxiety and erectile problems for men. I should mention that so far these effects have been documented immediately after exercise and seem to diminish quickly- indeed, they seem to be the strongest 15 minutes after exercise and fade fast.

As for men, sexual experiences also benefit from exercise. White and colleagues (1990) had two groups of men, whose average age was 48 years, all of whom were sedentary but healthy at the start of the study. One group engaged in walking, while the other in aerobic exercise. The latter group reported higher levels of sexual intimacy, more satisfying orgasms, and more reliable sexual functioning. Thus, men who are physically inactive and then aerobically exercise three or four days a week, regularly, for at least an hour at a time, soon report more sex and better sex. However, all men experienced an improvement, leading the researchers to conclude that enhanced sexuality is directly correlated with their improvement in physical fitness.

Satisfying sex lives isn’t just about the nuts and bolts of biology – it also involves self image. People who exercise often have a positive self body image, which might make them simply enjoy their bodies more, too. Penhollow and Young (2004) found frequency of exercise and physical fitness enhanced attractiveness and increased energy levels. They write that those who exercise are more likely to experience a greater level of satisfaction and a positive perception of self, which may cause them to believe they are more desirable and may perform better sexually

One last thought – sex itself is a physical activity and burns calories and increases fitness. Many factors influence how many calories are spent during sex, but most reports seem to indicate about 85 for a half hour to hour session, which is about the same as bowling (see this link for calorie counts). Unlike bowling, though, sex can also increase self-esteem, cardio-vascular health, emotional intimacy, improve sleeping, and increase immunity!

References:

Penhollow, T. M. & Young, M. (2004). Sexual desirability and sexual performance: Does exercise and fitness really matter? Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, 7, http://www.ejhs.org/tocv7.html.

White, J., Case, D. A., McWhirter, D., Mattison, A. M. (1990). Enhanced sexual behavior in exercising men. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 19(3), 193-209.

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16 Reasons to Have Daily Sex

Original article appears in True Activist here.

Stressed, burdened with life’s difficult problems and fear that your health is declining? Then sex is the answer to happiness, longevity and a healthy body. You don’t agree?

Well, here is a list of the health benefits of sex, so do it daily to experience complete pleasure. These are 16 reasons to have sex today!

1. De-stress
Sex helps you reduce stress. When deep breathing exercises fail to de-stress you, sex will do the needful.

During sex your body produces dopamine, a substance that fights stress hormones, endorphins, aka “happiness hormones” and oxytocin, a desire-enhancing hormone secreted by the pituitary gland.

In a study, published in the Public Library of Science journal, three neuroscience researchers conducted a test on male rats and found that the sexually active rats were less anxious than rats with no sexual activity.

2. Great Form of Exercise
Making love is a form of physical activity. During intercourse, the physiological changes in your body are consistent with a workout. You must have noticed that the respiratory rate rises, which means you get tired. Hence, you burn calories. If you have sex three times a week for 15 minutes (but we know you can do better than that) you’ll burn about 7.500 calories in a year. That’s the equivalent of jogging 75 miles! Heavy breathing raises the amount of oxygen in your cells, and the testosterone produced during sex keeps your bones and muscles strong.

3. Lowers high blood pressure
Hugs and sex can improve your blood pressure. Sex reduces diastolic blood pressure, that is, the bottom number while reading blood pressure.

Researchers with the University of Paisley conducted an experiment on the same. They concluded that sex improves blood pressure.

4. Builds your immunity
Trying to fight the sniffles? Sex is the answer to fight cold and other health problems; sex can boost your immunity.

Immunoglobulin A, an antigen that fights the flu increases when the frequency of sex increases.

5. Makes You Look Younger
Making love three times a week can make you look 10 years younger, claims a Scottish researcher. “It’s good for you to have good sex,” says David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, whose study on the effects of sex on aging appears in his book, Secrets of the Superyoung.

6. Healthy heart
Sex helps you burn calories but it can also improve your heart. Sex will take care of stroke and heart attacks, you just have to enjoy the moment.

Scientists with New England Research Institute examined the effect of sex on the heart. The study concluded that men are 45 percent less likely to experience cardiovascular diseases. But the study fails to study the effect of sex on a woman’s heart.

7. Pain relief
Pleasure is the measure to beat out the pain. Do you experience migraines and body pain? Well sex is the answer. But if you experience back pain, it is best to consult a doctor.

Dr. George E. Erlich, an arthritis specialist from Philadelphia conducted a study on the link between arthritis and sex. He narrows down that patients who engaged in sex experienced less pain.

8. Builds trust and intimacy
The act of sex spikes the hormone oxytocin; this hormone is responsible for your happiness and love. If your feel your relationship is falling out, there is trust or you’re worried that your partner will stray away, then sex will dispel these doubts. The hormone oxytocin builds trust and brings couples closer, and cupid too.

9. Less chances of cancer
Regular ejaculation reduces your chances of developing prostate cancer. In an Australian study men who ejaculated 21 times a month were least likely to develop cancer. It is further supported by other researches that sexual intercourse reduces the risk of prostrate cancer.

10. Stronger pelvic muscles
Sex involves the use of several muscles; hence regular sexual intercourse can help you develop stronger pelvic muscles. Further, since the act of sex involves a range of muscles, it also helps strengthen these muscles – for ex: quads, your core, and the upper back. Through regular sex, you can also maintain a strong bladder and bowel function.

Strong muscles, calorie burner, improves heart health – sex seems to take care of you.

11. Prostate Protection 
Most of the fluid you ejaculate is secreted by the prostate gland. If you stop ejaculating, the fluid stays in the gland, which tends to swell, causing lots of problems. Regular ejaculation will wash those fluids out and ensure the well being of your prostate until old age. Problems may also occur when you suddenly change the frequency of ejaculations.

12. Induces sleep
After that great, lovely workout you are bound to get good sleep. But guess what? Sex works the same way as exercise. The increased heart rate leads to increased post-coital relaxation. Sex could be the next thing for insomniacs! So what really happens:
– Sex can relax you, hence if you are already tired, the act of sex will induce sleep.
– When men ejaculate they become lethargic, this can make them sleepy.

13. Regular periods
Apparently sex can improve your menstrual cycle. Sex regulates hormones, which in turn regulate the menstrual cycle. Sex reduces stress, which is one of the reasons women miss their periods. Sex seems like a better option than pills.

14. Prevents Erectile Dysfunctions
Fifty per cent of men older than 40 suffer from erectile dysfunctions and all young men fear the moment when they won’t be able to get it up any more. The best medicine against impotence is…sex. An erection keeps the blood flowing through your penile arteries, so the tissue stays healthy. Plus, doctors compare an erection to an athletic reflex: the more you train the more capable you are to perform.

15. Live longer
A healthy heart, stronger muscles, increased circulation of oxygen and happiness are some of the factors that add life to the years and as a result – years to your life.

A study published in the British Medical Journal reveals that men who engaged in sex often live twice as those who rarely had any action.

16. Healthier semen
If you’re trying to conceive, you increase the volume of semen if you have sex regularly. Regular sex replaces old sperms from the testicles. If there is a natural build of sperms it can lead to DNA damage.

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Product Review: Lelo Gigi Vibrator

Synopsis: A rechargeable petite vibrator shaped for G-spot stimulation.

Eddy’s Review: The GIGI-pleasure Object is one of the newest toys created by the Lelo Collection.  It is a slim, yet seductive G-spot creation.  Its’ unique finish creates a soft and luxurious feeling that makes you want to never put it down.

 It is 6.4” long with the main body shadowing from the more powerful Lelo Elise.  It is slim and petite, angling up with a rounded disc top to cap the very end.  It is designed to enhance internally by having the edge of the end cap vibrate and massage the G-spot area.  It has five pre-programmed pleasure modes and a virtually silent vibrator engine to deliver deep and vibrant sensations.  The GIGI is rechargeable and a 1-hour charge will provide up to 1.5 hours of pure bliss.  It is made of a combination of PV and medical silicone.

 When I first saw the GIGI at Lelo’s show booth at Erotica LA this year, I couldn’t wait to try it. It was too cute for words.  I know, I know….”cute”?  I am a woman, and color and cuteness play into our consumption of pleasure toys.  I especially was excited since I knew that the GIGI was made from Sweden-based Lelo.  When I first picked up the GIGI, I couldn’t stop rolling it between my fingers.  The tactile finish was so smooth and silky.  Once I added lube it was a race to see how many fun vibrations I could play with.  I for one, do not like one static vibration.  I like programs that make me wait and beg for the next cycle to come around.  It’s like foreplay at its best, at least while playing solo with just a toy.  Using the dial interface I changed to a program that best suited my mood.  And with just another touch of the dial, I could change the intensity to either be soft or make my world rock!  Although I am more of a “clit” girl, I had a great time using it to stimulate my G-spot area and then withdrawing it and changing the vibration mode to add a stronger stimulation to my clitoral area.

Overall, this is a fun new vibrator.  It’s petite and has a great sense of style.  The multi-modes of vibration is a plus, while the technology of charging its battery is very cool indeed.  GIGI ~ Je adore t’aime!

Freddy Says: Not much for me to say in this case. As usual, Lelo has created another work of sexual art that takes my wife to orgasm lickety split, is beautiful to look at, and has more programming options than the space shuttle. It’s fantastic for using while having intercourse due to its petite size and the materials are velvety soft to the touch. If you’re looking for an elegant, versatile, and discreet vibe to take the place of your next broken Pocket Rocket, this one’s a can’t miss.

Interested in purchasing a Lelo Gigi? Click here or on the links above to visit our online store or visit Lelo’s website here.

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Sex Positions 101: The Jaws of Life (Oral)

Type of Sex Position: Oral.
Degree of Difficulty: Beginner to Intermediate.

Remember the old term, “Come sit on my face?” Well, now’s your chance with this tried and true oral sex position. Use your arms to lessen the pressure or bear down and give him a bit of ass-fixiation while he eats up your love region.

The male should lays on his back with a pillow under his head. The female faces the male with her legs apart so that the male has easy access. The male can then use his hands to open and close her legs.

jawsoflife

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How To: DO Each Other for HOTTER Sex

Do you know what it feels like to have your spouse do you – not just bringing you to orgasm or have intercourse – but really do you?

Do you know what it feels like to do your spouse?

The fine art of doing and being done.

At it’s core is power. And the fact is that negotiating power is part of every human relationship.

Almost everything in our society teaches equity, so do many therapists. The message they try to get across is this: the ideal partner is to be one of absolute equality in every area of the relationship.

I’ve got news for you – equity has no place when it comes to eroticism. The ability to take your partner (or be taken by them) embodies a lusty, lascivious eagerness for pleasure. This isn’t crudeness – quite the opposite – it’s a deliberate intent to arouse (and satisfy) passion.

If you’re one of the many who have yet to experience this level of passion and eroticism in marriage, or if you’ve had a taste of it but it faded over time, don’t worry. For most people, the eroticism and level of passion I’m talking about ripens in later life.

It involves tapping into the male and female energy found in a couple’s union. The Yin and the Yang, to use Eastern terms. When you tap into this within yourself and your spouse, you form the energy loop that Tantric sex has focused on for centuries.

This energy creates the “follow the connection” types of sexual encounters. The times when you feel like your spouse “knows” you completely and can send you over the edge whenever they choose to do so. In essence, they have power over you – and wielding this power produces an erotic pleasure within themselves.

Many people in our culture are afraid of this power. It’s labeled as bad or something dirty. It’s something Nice Guys and Nice Girls would never do. But, it’s an aspect of every one of us.

So how do you reach this level of eroticism and sexual passion?

The short answer is grow up and develop this part of you.

For many people, this part of themselves is yet to be born. If you think it has reached maturity in you, answer me this: When your partner really ticks you off, how do you react? Can you lovingly and passionately integrate the anger and aggression you feel towards your spouse and turn it into something useful and life-giving ? Or are you more likely to react to the anger and do anything you can to get away from your spouse? Can the fact that your spouse is different and separate from you be a turn on rather than a turn off?

Fully creating this part in your life involves learning how to acknowledge the aggression and anger towards your spouse (which is in all of us), soothing yourself, mastering yourself, and “growing” through the discomfort.

When we climb into bed with our spouse, we each carry different expectations, hopes, plans, and passions to the experience about to unfold.

Let’s face it, on a basic biological level men and women are different. Arousal, pleasure, eroticism, power, even orgasms are different.

Many men can be quite envious of a woman’s orgasm. Look at the differences between us, when a man has an orgasm, while the feeling is great it seems to pale in comparison to a woman’s. A woman is capable of full body orgasms. It seems to pulsate like waves throughout her entire body. Plus, and the biggest source of male envy, a woman is capable of wave after wave. A man has to have some recovery time. Just look at the different faces and expressions between the two sexes and you’ll get confirmation of the difference.

So rather than focus on the differences that separate you and your spouse, what if you brought more of yourself to the party? And they brought more of themselves?

Could you handle that?

Many of you will quickly reply … yes!

Really though?

Think about it this way, to my male readers, can you really handle a full grown woman? One who knows what she wants sexually and how she wants it? A woman in touch with her raw, animalistic nature? This will require more of you, perhaps MUCH more of you! It may mean that after you’ve experienced your orgasm you have to stay around for hers. It may me you have to submit to her power, or you have to over-power her and trulytake her.

And to my female readers, are you ready for a full grown man? Someone in touch with his power, or what Robert Bly refers to as the deep male? A man in tune with his raw, animalistic nature? This too, will require more of you.

If you’re interested in creating this part of you and your relationship, here’s a few ideas to help get you started. Realize however, that this developing takes time and growth to be fully born out in your life and marriage.

  1. Slow down. This is the number one thing I tell every couple I work with when it comes to sex. I understand the desire to rush things, because the longer the process of sex lasts, the more likely some things will surface within you that are uncomfortable. Slow down.  When the discomfort within you arises, face it head on.
  2. Breathe. Much like the previous point, spend some time throughout the entire process just breathing. Focus on your breathing, and matching your partner’s breathing.
  3. Speak up, but not with words. Use your body. Your movements. Your power. Watch each other feel the process. And let yourself be seen. Use words when needed for direction, but also use moans, groans … you get the idea.

Surrendering and growing into this part of you is no simple matter. Doing your spouse, or allowing yourself to be done, involves “standing on your own two feet.” It’s not forcing yourself on your spouse – it’s a letting go with your spouse.

Tapping into eroticism and new levels of passion requires tremendous personal integrity. It takes a great deal of integrity to face head on the demands and challenges of exploring your sexual potential.

But you know what? Every one of us has some untapped sexual potential just waiting to be discovered.

You can place two violins next to each other, pluck the string on one of them and the corresponding string on the other violin will vibrate. It recognizes its own wave. Marriage and sex can be the same. You and your spouse can resonate with each other, creating your own music together.

So what do you say? Don’t just make music with your spouse, create a symphony together!

Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to his blog so you don’t miss any future posts.

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