Tag Archives: hot adult sex

How To: DO Each Other for HOTTER Sex

Do you know what it feels like to have your spouse do you – not just bringing you to orgasm or have intercourse – but really do you?

Do you know what it feels like to do your spouse?

The fine art of doing and being done.

At it’s core is power. And the fact is that negotiating power is part of every human relationship.

Almost everything in our society teaches equity, so do many therapists. The message they try to get across is this: the ideal partner is to be one of absolute equality in every area of the relationship.

I’ve got news for you – equity has no place when it comes to eroticism. The ability to take your partner (or be taken by them) embodies a lusty, lascivious eagerness for pleasure. This isn’t crudeness – quite the opposite – it’s a deliberate intent to arouse (and satisfy) passion.

If you’re one of the many who have yet to experience this level of passion and eroticism in marriage, or if you’ve had a taste of it but it faded over time, don’t worry. For most people, the eroticism and level of passion I’m talking about ripens in later life.

It involves tapping into the male and female energy found in a couple’s union. The Yin and the Yang, to use Eastern terms. When you tap into this within yourself and your spouse, you form the energy loop that Tantric sex has focused on for centuries.

This energy creates the “follow the connection” types of sexual encounters. The times when you feel like your spouse “knows” you completely and can send you over the edge whenever they choose to do so. In essence, they have power over you – and wielding this power produces an erotic pleasure within themselves.

Many people in our culture are afraid of this power. It’s labeled as bad or something dirty. It’s something Nice Guys and Nice Girls would never do. But, it’s an aspect of every one of us.

So how do you reach this level of eroticism and sexual passion?

The short answer is grow up and develop this part of you.

For many people, this part of themselves is yet to be born. If you think it has reached maturity in you, answer me this: When your partner really ticks you off, how do you react? Can you lovingly and passionately integrate the anger and aggression you feel towards your spouse and turn it into something useful and life-giving ? Or are you more likely to react to the anger and do anything you can to get away from your spouse? Can the fact that your spouse is different and separate from you be a turn on rather than a turn off?

Fully creating this part in your life involves learning how to acknowledge the aggression and anger towards your spouse (which is in all of us), soothing yourself, mastering yourself, and “growing” through the discomfort.

When we climb into bed with our spouse, we each carry different expectations, hopes, plans, and passions to the experience about to unfold.

Let’s face it, on a basic biological level men and women are different. Arousal, pleasure, eroticism, power, even orgasms are different.

Many men can be quite envious of a woman’s orgasm. Look at the differences between us, when a man has an orgasm, while the feeling is great it seems to pale in comparison to a woman’s. A woman is capable of full body orgasms. It seems to pulsate like waves throughout her entire body. Plus, and the biggest source of male envy, a woman is capable of wave after wave. A man has to have some recovery time. Just look at the different faces and expressions between the two sexes and you’ll get confirmation of the difference.

So rather than focus on the differences that separate you and your spouse, what if you brought more of yourself to the party? And they brought more of themselves?

Could you handle that?

Many of you will quickly reply … yes!

Really though?

Think about it this way, to my male readers, can you really handle a full grown woman? One who knows what she wants sexually and how she wants it? A woman in touch with her raw, animalistic nature? This will require more of you, perhaps MUCH more of you! It may mean that after you’ve experienced your orgasm you have to stay around for hers. It may me you have to submit to her power, or you have to over-power her and trulytake her.

And to my female readers, are you ready for a full grown man? Someone in touch with his power, or what Robert Bly refers to as the deep male? A man in tune with his raw, animalistic nature? This too, will require more of you.

If you’re interested in creating this part of you and your relationship, here’s a few ideas to help get you started. Realize however, that this developing takes time and growth to be fully born out in your life and marriage.

  1. Slow down. This is the number one thing I tell every couple I work with when it comes to sex. I understand the desire to rush things, because the longer the process of sex lasts, the more likely some things will surface within you that are uncomfortable. Slow down.  When the discomfort within you arises, face it head on.
  2. Breathe. Much like the previous point, spend some time throughout the entire process just breathing. Focus on your breathing, and matching your partner’s breathing.
  3. Speak up, but not with words. Use your body. Your movements. Your power. Watch each other feel the process. And let yourself be seen. Use words when needed for direction, but also use moans, groans … you get the idea.

Surrendering and growing into this part of you is no simple matter. Doing your spouse, or allowing yourself to be done, involves “standing on your own two feet.” It’s not forcing yourself on your spouse – it’s a letting go with your spouse.

Tapping into eroticism and new levels of passion requires tremendous personal integrity. It takes a great deal of integrity to face head on the demands and challenges of exploring your sexual potential.

But you know what? Every one of us has some untapped sexual potential just waiting to be discovered.

You can place two violins next to each other, pluck the string on one of them and the corresponding string on the other violin will vibrate. It recognizes its own wave. Marriage and sex can be the same. You and your spouse can resonate with each other, creating your own music together.

So what do you say? Don’t just make music with your spouse, create a symphony together!

Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to his blog so you don’t miss any future posts.

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Product Review: Trinity Love Swing

Alicia’s review: After letting it languish in its box for weeks in our closet, we finally decided to put up our Trinity Love Swing and give it a test.  Honestly, if your home doesn’t have open beam ceilings, installation can be quite tricky, requiring a stud finder to locate a proper joist into which you can screw the eye hook to hold the  swing (and the weight of up to 250 pounds). An alternative method is to use a door frame, but this will limit your options when using your swing.  Luckily, we have an open beam ceiling in one room of our home – the bedroom – so putting in our swing was a five minute affair.  Hmmmm!  We wondered if this was meant to be?

Well, in a quick flash, Freddy was up on a ladder to affix the eyelet screw, chain and the “mega” metal spring that holds up to 200 pounds.  If the weight of one person exceeds the 200 lbs., all you have to do is remove the spring (which enables you to only facilitate the up-and-down motion).  The last part is to add the single-unit constructed swing itself, which is designed with four supports to comfortably hold the back, butt and both legs.  The supports are covered with very soft neoprene and the straps are made of heavy-duty nylon that is fastened securely to the Torque Support Bar that provides balance to the swing for even distribution of weight. 

We were both chomping at the bit for this product review, especially my husband. We were going to have a good ole’ time, I imagined, so I dressed up in my newest sexy outfit (thanks to the kind people of Trashy Lingerie in Hollywood), while he lit the bedroom with romantic and sensual candles.  He lifted me gently up onto the padded butt support, which I quickly slipped and fell out of!  With a little practice I was sitting pretty and swinging all around and it was really comfortable, almost like sitting in one of those swinging hammocks.  Well, the little book that comes with the Trinity Love Swing gives you a couple of pages of different positions that you can try to attain for Oral Sex and for Intercourse.  So, of course we had to try them all.

Oral sex was first and it was quite heavenly.  Just lay back and let yourself go.  Really!  It was really relaxing and exhilarating at the same time.  We then added our toys to the scenario. We used our Fun Factory Patchy Paul and moved on to our other toys like the Fukuoku 9000 and the Eroscillator.  It was great swinging and having the use of my hands to use our accessories.  When we finally moved onto trying the swing for intercourse we found out how great an asset it is for couples to use.  Being that I’m only 5’2’’ and my husband 6’2” this was a treat.   There was no possibility of having hubby strain his lower back trying to bump and grind. He was in total heaven while I was in total ecstasy!

Reviewing this device was wonderful. At no time did I ever feel that I was not safe or secure.  It is an apparatus that is very useful in the way that it adds new depth to having sex in total comfort and virtual weightlessness. When the swing is not in use, you just need to unhook the assembly, except the eyelet hook, and no one would ever know that you were swinging from the ceiling.  Use it as a couple or by yourself.  It definitely deserves the room.  Move over bed, the swing needs to hang!

Interested in purchasing a Trinity Love Swing? Click here or on the links above to visit our online store!

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