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Men’s Health: 8 Red-Hot Ways to Have More Sex

8 Red-Hot Ways to Have More Sex

by Madeline Haller

Great news, guys: You’re not the only horny one around the house. According to a new survey from Yahoo! Shine, roughly half of all women want sex more often.

Now that you’re armed with that awesome knowledge, it’s time to chart your next move. Read this advice from the country’s top sexperts to seduce your partner and start having the wild sex life that you deserve.

erotic portrait of young woman in lingerie
Get more of this. Every night.

1. Send Her a Sexy Text
It’s simple science: Women take longer to become aroused. So if you’re looking to get lucky later in the evening, start by piquing her interest early. How? Sext her. (No,seriously.) “Sexting can be extremely hot for a woman,” says Dr. Ava Cadell, founder of Loveology University. Women are much more auditory than men, she explains. So reading something sexy—like how badly you crave her taste—will only plant the seed of anticipation in her head. (But before you hit send, learn how to Be a Smarter Sexter.)

2. Speak Up
No one wants to have sex with someone who’s completely silent the entire time, so make yourself heard. “Most women find dirty talk extremely sexy,” says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. So whether it’s grunts, moans, or just whispering in her ear, any sort of verbal reaction will help her get riled up, says Brame.

3. Slow It Down
Arousal doesn’t start the minute you enter the bedroom. And simply getting naked doesn’t mean she’s ready to go, says Brame. To up her heat index, Brame recommends taking your time when stripping down. Unbutton her clothes and remove them slowly. Kiss her bare skin and spend extra time in the area you just disrobed. “Women need to be able to relax and get into a good mindset,” says Brame.

4. Step Out of the Box
Kissing her neck is always a wise move, but switching things up will only work in your favor. Your move: Focus on something more foreign, like her hands. “Start by kissing her fingertips and then slowly spread her fingers apart, licking in between each one,” says Cadell. “Women like to be teased, so this sultry symbolism (licking in between her fingers versus her legs) will rev up her sex drive.”

5. She Comes First
Women are more open to sex if they know their needs are going to be met, says Cadell. So rather than issuing your own sexual demands, focus on hersatisfaction instead. Hone in on the areas that especially put her in the mood: Her ears, neck, and inner thighs are all surprising hot spots that can push her over the edge. And since women like spontaneity, never stay in one area for too long, says Cadell.

6. Compliment Her Goods
If you want oral sex to play a bigger role in your sexcapades, make sure she knows how crazy you are about her body. Research has shown that women who are more comfortable with their genitals are not only more open to receiving oral sex, but they enjoy it more and orgasm more, says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., sex researcher at Indiana University and author of Sex Made Easy. The next time you spend some time below the belt, tell her how much you love the way she looks, tastes, and smells, Herbenick advises. Your words will benefit the both of you in the long run. (And for more of Herbenick’s advice, learn How to Be Great in Bed.)

7. Forge a New Path
Don’t put her on the spot by asking her what she wants mid-romp, says Brame. Yes, communication is key for good sex. But expecting her to give you a step-by-step walk-through on how to pleasure her isn’t exactly getting her off. It puts pressure on her because she thinks she has to respond with something new and kinky, when she should just be enjoying the moment, says Brame.

“Women like men who are in control,” says Cadell. So instead of asking, “what do you want me to do to you?” try experimenting on your own, and then asking her if it feels good.

8. Cook for More Sex
Keep in mind that heavy meals do not pair well with sex. “When your body is full of food, your first instinct is to just lay around and digest,” says Brame. Plus, if a woman is full, the last thing she’s going to want to do is strip off her clothes, she explains. So if you’re planning to wine and dine her, make sure to keep the meal light and sexy.

And here’s a fun fact: Black licorice has been shown to speed up her genital bloodflow by 40 percent, Cadell says. So try incorporating it and other aphrodisiacs—including wine and chocolates—into your pre-sex routine. (Looking for sexy meal ideas? Find the hottest bedroom foods in The Big Book of Sex.)

More from MensHealth.com:

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Product Review: Trinity Love Swing

Alicia’s review: After letting it languish in its box for weeks in our closet, we finally decided to put up our Trinity Love Swing and give it a test.  Honestly, if your home doesn’t have open beam ceilings, installation can be quite tricky, requiring a stud finder to locate a proper joist into which you can screw the eye hook to hold the  swing (and the weight of up to 250 pounds). An alternative method is to use a door frame, but this will limit your options when using your swing.  Luckily, we have an open beam ceiling in one room of our home – the bedroom – so putting in our swing was a five minute affair.  Hmmmm!  We wondered if this was meant to be?

Well, in a quick flash, Freddy was up on a ladder to affix the eyelet screw, chain and the “mega” metal spring that holds up to 200 pounds.  If the weight of one person exceeds the 200 lbs., all you have to do is remove the spring (which enables you to only facilitate the up-and-down motion).  The last part is to add the single-unit constructed swing itself, which is designed with four supports to comfortably hold the back, butt and both legs.  The supports are covered with very soft neoprene and the straps are made of heavy-duty nylon that is fastened securely to the Torque Support Bar that provides balance to the swing for even distribution of weight. 

We were both chomping at the bit for this product review, especially my husband. We were going to have a good ole’ time, I imagined, so I dressed up in my newest sexy outfit (thanks to the kind people of Trashy Lingerie in Hollywood), while he lit the bedroom with romantic and sensual candles.  He lifted me gently up onto the padded butt support, which I quickly slipped and fell out of!  With a little practice I was sitting pretty and swinging all around and it was really comfortable, almost like sitting in one of those swinging hammocks.  Well, the little book that comes with the Trinity Love Swing gives you a couple of pages of different positions that you can try to attain for Oral Sex and for Intercourse.  So, of course we had to try them all.

Oral sex was first and it was quite heavenly.  Just lay back and let yourself go.  Really!  It was really relaxing and exhilarating at the same time.  We then added our toys to the scenario. We used our Fun Factory Patchy Paul and moved on to our other toys like the Fukuoku 9000 and the Eroscillator.  It was great swinging and having the use of my hands to use our accessories.  When we finally moved onto trying the swing for intercourse we found out how great an asset it is for couples to use.  Being that I’m only 5’2’’ and my husband 6’2” this was a treat.   There was no possibility of having hubby strain his lower back trying to bump and grind. He was in total heaven while I was in total ecstasy!

Reviewing this device was wonderful. At no time did I ever feel that I was not safe or secure.  It is an apparatus that is very useful in the way that it adds new depth to having sex in total comfort and virtual weightlessness. When the swing is not in use, you just need to unhook the assembly, except the eyelet hook, and no one would ever know that you were swinging from the ceiling.  Use it as a couple or by yourself.  It definitely deserves the room.  Move over bed, the swing needs to hang!

Interested in purchasing a Trinity Love Swing? Click here or on the links above to visit our online store!

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How To: Strengthen Your PC Muscles to Improve Sex

Have you noticed that your sex life is lagging a little? Maybe things aren’t quite as satisfying as they once were? Getting older and not feeling as motivated? Are you having trouble with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, incontinence, or general malaise, sexually? Before you reach for the Viagra or penis pump, don’t despair – maybe you just need to reinvigorate your PC muscle! Read on to see how easy it can be to bring back that loving feeling…

What is a PC Muscle?

Your pubococcygeus, or “PC” muscle, is the muscle that controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm in both men and women. It is part of a group of muscles known as the perineal muscles, which all work in concert to maintain healthy sexual/erectile function in both sexes. For women, strengthening these muscles has been shown to reduce the risk of improper positioning of a baby’s head during childbirth and a reduction of urinary incontinence following childbirth and in later years following menopause. For men, having strong PC muscles can help avoid erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Studies are now showing some evidence that maintaining strong PC muscles can help men avoid prostate cancer.

How does one go about strengthening his or her PC muscle?

From wikiHow

Locate the PC muscle: The pubococcygeus muscle forms the floor of the pelvic cavity and stretches like a hammock from the pubic bone to the bottom of the spine. Pretend that you are urinating, then try to stop the flow with a quick muscle contraction. That muscle you just used to stop the flow from the bladder is your PC muscle. Try to keep your stomach and thigh muscles relaxed and focus only on the PC muscle.

Get some Kegel balls (ladies): We love Smartballs, from Fun Factory, but there are dozens of different variations from a myriad of companies. Kegel balls work by forcing the vaginal muscles to contract to hold them in after insertion. Some, like the Smartballs, have small weights inside to cause vibrations that further stimulate the vaginal walls.

Flex the PC muscle 20 times: Hold it for one or two seconds each time, then release. Repeat this three times a day, three to four times per week. Breathe normally during this exercise and try to avoid holding your breath.

Add ten really slow squeezes to each set: Take five seconds to slowly squeeze your PC as tight as you can. Now hold the tension for a full five seconds, if possible, and release gradually over the next five seconds.

Clench your PC muscle longer and more: After about two weeks, you should be able to stretch your PC muscle easier and for a longer duration. Like any muscle in the body, it responds to stimulus and grows with use. Next, try upping the length of the flex and go for more flexes.

  • Instead of a one or two second hold, try to clench your PC muscle for five to seven seconds.
  • Instead of twenty reps, three times a day, trying shooting for 50 reps, three times a day.
  • Once you get the hang of it, you’ll should learn how to clench your penis and anus sphincter muscle separately or at the same time.

Do PC tremble exercises: Start clenching your PC muscle very slowly. So slowly, in fact, that it takes you several minutes to work up to the point where you are fully clenching. Now that you are fully clenching, clench a little more and hold it there for 30 seconds, breathing slowly all the while. When you feel the burn, release and do 20 normal PC clenches. Perform this exercise at the end of your PC workouts for the day.

Do a PC stutter exercise: All this is is flexing your PC muscle in increments. Tighten your PC a bit by bit. Start off gently — hold the PC there for a little bit — then a bit more then “gentle.” When you have stuttered your PC all the way up to a full clench, don’t release the muscle fully; work gently back down, first releasing a little bit, then a bit more, and so on. Imagine that you are running up and down a staircase with your PC muscle.

If you’re a guy, do a PC muscle exercise with an erection: There are several PC muscle exercises you can perform as a male with an erection, and they mostly involve resistance training.

  • Place a small towel over your erect penis and lift the towel up by squeezing the PC muscles. Hold for 2-5 seconds, relax, and repeat 30 times.
  • Place your hand one or two inches above your erect penis. Clench your PC muscle to lift your erection up to your hand. Hold for 2-5 seconds, relax, and repeat 30 times.
  • Place your hand one or two inches above your erect penis again. Clench your PC muscle to lift your erection up to your hand. This time, gently push your hand down while you lift your penis up, creating resistance. Hold for 2-5 seconds, relax, and repeat 30 times.

Don’t overexercise: Combine any of the basic and intermediate exercises together, but only flex your PC muscles for 50 reps and 3 sets per day. Over stimulation can result in muscle fatigue.

Do PC muscle exercises with your partner: Doing PC exercises while having sex can be productive and fun. The male partner gets erect, penetrates the female, and the pair take turns doing PC muscle exercises — he flexes, then she flexes, and so on. Just make sure that your partner is as keen on doing exercise as you are.

Do the PC squeeze with an erection (men, obviously): Massage your penis until you have an erection. Gradually massage your penis until you are at the brink of orgasm. Stop massaging immediately and start contracting your PC muscles. Once your erection begins to go flaccid, massage your penis until you are at the brink of orgasm again. Contract your PC muscles and repeat until your PC muscles are adequately worked.

  • If you accidentally orgasm during this exercise, your PC muscles probably aren’t strong enough for advanced exercises yet. Focus on mastering the intermediate techniques before moving on to the advanced sets.

Do the “blitz” PC exercise: This one is very hard to do, because it involves different clenching strengths and variable reps. Find yourself a spot where you’ll feel comfortable for 10-20 minutes. Remember to breathe as you exercise.

  • Do 50 PC clenches as a warm-up.
  • Next, squeeze your PC muscle as tightly as you can, holding for 30 seconds.
  • Next, perform 100 PC clenches without resting. Clench for two seconds, relax for two seconds, and so on.
  • Next, try clenching your PC muscle as tightly as you can. Shoot for 1 minute of gut-wrenching clenching.
  • Rest for two minutes.
  • Next, do 50 5-second clenches where you slowly relax at the end. Your workout is finally finished!

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Wisdom: 33 Years of Loving My Wife’s Body, by Hugh O’Neill

Alicia cleaning bathroom floor small

Is this when Alicia is at her most beautiful?

You’re hot for him, he’s hot for you, but how will he feel three gravity-heavy decades from now? Hotter still! says this husband.

She had just emerged from the shower wearing her trademark terrycloth ensemble – one towel wrapped, if barely, around her torso, another turbaned on her head. Sacked out on the bed, I pretended to watch the Mets game, but my attention was, as always, galvanized by her body. With the play-by-play burbling, I peeked at my partner of 33 years as she bent and stretched, rubbing herself dry in the half light. I dug the come-hither of her curves, the plain beauty of this body that had been the engine of my longing from about the time I had first learned to yearn.

As I lay there, struggling to restrain myself – she’d had a long day – I considered the changed her body had gone through over our years together. In defiance of conventional wisdom, the tick-tock of time and the stress of two pregnancies have only enhanced her. Parts that were merely pert are now graceful and inviting. Though she isn’t happy with what she calls “gravitational effects,” she has, if you ask me, only gotten better with age.

And so I decided to tell her. I waited as she dressed for bed, shimmying into black panties, snapping on some pajama pants and finally slipping on a T-shirt that lingered over her head – showcasing her breasts just a beat longer than she would have if she’d had no audience. When her face popped into view, she took a sort of bow – blowing me a kiss – and scooted toward me on the bed. Maybe she hadn’t had such a long day.

“Your body is more beautiful today than the day I met you,” I said, as she cuddled with purpose next to me.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean,” she barked, bolting upright and, in a flash, out of the mood. “You are comparing my body now with my body then? Why?”

I suddenly realized that I’d stumbled down a rabbit hole, into the land where women assume that when it comes to beauty, younger is always better. More precisely, women assume that men think younger is better. It’s the ground zero of female insecurity, where too many women spend too much time. From where I sit, it looks like one scary place.

That night, we had a long discussion – well, my wife did most of the discussing – that bounced all over the place. She wouldn’t even entertain the possibility that what I had said could be true. Could a middle aged woman be beautiful? Of course, but it was scientifically impossible, she cliamed, for a woman of her age to be sexier than when she was 20 years prior. She could live with what happened to her figure, she said, but she’d be damned if she’d be pitied. When I said something deeply brilliant about how beauty “doesn’t even exist until it’s perceived,” she threw a slipper at me.

It was hard to blame her for not understanding. After all, what could she know about the form she inhabited? She was too close to it to see it clearly. Does the dancer see the dance? I, on the other hand, was the world’s leading expert on her body. I’d had a front row seat for its whole story.

Slinky, stong, and mysterious.

The first time I saw her, she was 18 years old and wearing a miniskirt that the Sisters of the Divine Compassion, from whose high school care I’d just graduated, whould have called an “occasion of sin.” It was made of buckskin, more a wide belt that a skirt really, and it barely covered her assets. My first goal that had nothing to do with baseball was to touch that skirt. No, to grab it. OK, to toss it inot the corner. At first, her body was purely and aspiration to me; it taught me how to dream.

Dateline: Arches National Park, Utah. It was the first trip for two Eastern sea boarders to the vastness of the American west. Throughout a morning hiking up trails, the seat of her shorts was my north star. I ignored the epic vistas, enjoying her geography instead, wondering if a high noon quickie in a national park was a crime and whether I cared. But by the afternoon, lust morphed into an engineer’s admiration. The backs of her legs, her hamstrings, and calves, by then rusted with red-rock dust, seemed less luscious than they did powerful. It was the first time I appreciated her plain physical strength, a strength on which I would depend for years to come, to lug groceries, to lift children, to stay up all night in the emergency room with a croup-stricken four year old so she wouldn’t miss the pediatrician when he made his rounds. I’ve felt grateful for her body. It has lightened my load.

By our wedding day, after a decade together, her style had evolved from Joni Mitchell to Katharine Hepburn, and our marriage was our own Philadelphia story. I remember two things about her body from that celebration; how her dress, blue with a black pattern and a kicky thirties cut, whispered, silky and promising around her southern hemisphere as she turned to kiss and talk with the members of our tribe; and the energy of her face. As we danced, she beamed at everybody she loved, working her most critical muscles – the ones that help her smile.

When my wife was pregnant, she was sick to her stomach virtually every day. And though my hands-on access to her body was limited by the fact that she was usually about to the throw up, she shared herself in a quiet new way, bu sitting on my lap. Before then, she hadn’t been much for cuddling, but when she was carrying the kids, she would nestle into me. I enjoyed the fullness of her shape as her breasts and belly swelled. During the actual ordeal of childbirth, I was a stand-up-by-her-head husband, avoiding to the best of my ability glimpses of actual blood and gore. I got the message nonetheless and understood the toughness at the heart of motherhood. Since then, her body, which had been a playground pre-kids, has seemed intriguing, as though it had a superhero secret to go with all the obvious bells and whistles. I knew what her body had been through and loved it the way a man loves a comrade who has taken a bullet on his behalf.

Last summer, my wife sunbathed while I went for a run down a New Jersey beach. Staying fit was my cover, but as I ran, huffing and puffing, I drank in women of every shape, every color, every age, and every taste in bathing suits. I actually thanked God for his work. When I got close to our spot on the beach, I saw a woman emerging from the surf. She tipped her had back, slicking her hair smooth with her hands, revealing her armpits and tilting her breasts upward into the setting sun, and I felt obliged to slow down to admire this stranger. It was only when she started to jog through the shallows that I recognized my wife’s unmistakable gait. I loved her body then as an object, the way a man loves anything beautiful.

It’s about character, not collagen.

Women are often critical of male lust. They resent that it’s undiscriminating, that a well-married guy can appreciate the new secretary in the office or even the third dancer from the left in the latest music video, that lust may have nothing too do with love. But when it comes to aging, that’s not bad news. We’re not subtle. We don’t even notice most of the incremental changes in you to which you’re so finely attuned. And the shape-shifting we do notice rarely throws us off our sexual game. You may think you’re less appealing because you’ve gained weight or a few wrinkles, but we don’t think that. We want you – in all shapes and sizes. Wanting is what we do best.

Sometimes I find myself giving my wife an appraising once-over, as though I’m examining a used car. She has sustained a couple of dings over the years: two small burn marks on her leg, plus a slightly bent pinkie thanks to an icy path her husband should have done a better job of clearing. And I know that as time goes by, I will have to love her body in a brand-new way. As her bones get more brittle and her balance a little less sure, I will have an ever growing obligation to watch over her body, to love it the way a curator cherishes a work of art.

I reflected on this all as she ripped into me that night for my failed attempt at flattery, and finally got fed up with listening to her. I felt as though somebody had to stand up for the body that had stood by me through it all. I gestured for silence and claimed the floor.

“My dear wife,” I began. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I do think you’re beautiful because of everything I know about you. Maybe it’s because when I look at you naked, I see your courage, not just your caboose. Maybe you’re actually an old hag and you just look beautiful to me because of the 10 million laughs we’ve shared. Maybe it’s because your body carried my dazzling DNA forward into the world. Maybe it’s just because I’m addicted to your scent, your lips, your hips. but guess what: I don’t care. We don’t have to agree. I’m entitled to think what I think. If you want to swallow the cultural propaganda that judges women by the collagen in their skin and not the content of their character, feel free. go right ahead. But I’ve got no interest in it. Zero. Zip. Nada.”

Normally, my “Zero. Zip. Nada” line is gasoline on any fire. But not this time. She just sat there, and the room got deeply quiet.

“If you want every time you look in the mirror to be a damage assessment, that’s your choice,” I said. “But I just don’t see what you see. If you ask me, life is too damn short, and I’ve got no time to be mourning, especially when a celebration is in order. My God, look at you.” The catch in my voice surprised even me.

She got up from the chair and crossed toward me, reaching down and slowly pulling her T-shirt back over head, dropping it to the floor. I marveled at the evolution of her body, its ascent over the years from naive to womanish, from brand-new to burnished by everything she knew, enriched by her ability to pay attention, to inhabit the moment with a lucky man. When she put her arms around me and kissed me, she felt like all a fella could handle, completely at home in the body in which we’d both been blessed.

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Sex Positions 101: The Kangaroo Shuffle

This position is one of FEMALE empowerment and slight domination! Gentlemen, take a different turn and let yourself assume the bottom missionary position and let her ride you into g-spot bliss.

A GREAT position for g-spot stimulation, the female can control the angle of penetration to suit her needs. By moving up and down, she can direct his penis to hit her g-spot supporting herself with her arms.

kangarooshuffle

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How to unlock your sexual potential

Do you know what it feels like to have your spouse do you – not just bringing you to orgasm or have intercourse – but really doyou?

Do you know what it feels like to do your spouse?

The fine art of doing and being done.

At it’s core is power. And the fact is that negotiating power is part of every human relationship.

Almost everything in our society teaches equity, so do many therapists. The message they try to get across is this: the ideal partner is to be one of absolute equality in every area of the relationship.

I’ve got news for you – equity has no place when it comes to eroticism. The ability to take your partner (or be taken by them) embodies a lusty, lascivious eagerness for pleasure. This isn’t crudeness – quite the opposite – it’s a deliberate intent to arouse (and satisfy) passion.

If you’re one of the many who’ve yet to experience this level of passion and eroticism in marriage, or if you’ve had a taste of it but it faded over time, don’t worry. For most people, the eroticism and level of passion I’m talking about ripens in later life.

It involves tapping into the male and female energy found in a couple’s union. The Yin and the Yang, to use Eastern terms. When you tap into this within yourself and your spouse, you form the energy loop that Tantric sex has focused on for centuries.

This energy creates the “follow the connection” types of sexual encounters. The times when you feel like your spouse “knows” you completely and can send you over the edge whenever they choose to do so. In essence, they have power over you – and wielding this power produces an erotic pleasure within themselves.

Many people in our culture are afraid of this power. It’s labeled as bad or something dirty. It’s something Nice Guys and Nice Girls would never do. But, it’s an aspect of every one of us.

So how do you reach this level of eroticism and sexual passion?

The short answer is grow up and develop this part of you.

For many people, this part of themselves is yet to be born. If you think it has reached maturity in you, answer me this: When your partner really ticks you off, how do you react? Can you lovingly and passionately integrate the anger and aggression you feel towards your spouse and turn it into something useful and life-giving ? Or are you more likely to react to the anger and do anything you can to get away from your spouse? Can the fact that your spouse is different and separate from you be a turn on rather than a turn off?

Fully creating this part in your life involves learning how to acknowledge the aggression and anger towards your spouse (which is in all of us), soothing yourself, mastering yourself, and “growing” through the discomfort.

When we climb into bed with our spouse, we each carry different expectations, hopes, plans, and passions to the experience about to unfold.

Let’s face it, on a basic biological level men and women are different. Arousal, pleasure, eroticism, power, even orgasms are different.

Many men can be quite envious of a woman’s orgasm. Look at the differences between us, when a man has an orgasm, while the feeling is great it seems to pale in comparison to a woman’s. A woman is capable of full body orgasms. It seems to pulsate like waves throughout her entire body. Plus, and the biggest source of male envy, a woman is capable of wave after wave. A man has to have some recovery time. Just look at the different faces and expressions between the two sexes and you’ll get confirmation of the difference.

So rather than focus on the differences that separate you and your spouse, what if you brought more of yourself to the party? And they brought more of themselves?

Could you handle that?

Many of you will quickly reply … yes!

Really though?

Think about it this way, to my male readers, can you really handle a full grown woman? One who knows what she wants sexually and how she wants it? A woman in touch with her raw, animalistic nature? This will require more of you, perhaps MUCH more of you! It may mean that after you’ve experienced your orgasm you have to stay around for hers. It may me you have to submit to her power, or you have to over-power her and trulytake her.

And to my female readers, are you ready for a full grown man? Someone in touch with his power, or what Robert Bly refers to as the deep male? A man in tune with his raw, animalistic nature? This too, will require more of you.

If you’re interested in creating this part of you and your relationship, here’s a few ideas to help get you started. Realize however, that this developing takes time and growth to be fully born out in your life and marriage.

  1. Slow down. This is the number one thing I tell every couple I work with when it comes to sex. I understand the desire to rush things, because the longer the process of sex lasts, the more likely some things will surface within you that are uncomfortable. Slow down.  When the discomfort within you arises, face it head on.
  2. Breathe. Much like the previous point, spend some time throughout the entire process just breathing. Focus on your breathing, and matching your partner’s breathing.
  3. Speak up, but not with words. Use your body. Your movements. Your power. Watch each other feel the process. And let yourself be seen. Use words when needed for direction, but also use moans, groans … you get the idea.

Surrendering and growing into this part of you is no simple matter. Doing your spouse, or allowing yourself to be done, involves “standing on your own two feet.” It’s not forcing yourself on your spouse – it’s a letting go with your spouse.

Tapping into eroticism and new levels of passion requires tremendous personal integrity. It takes a great deal of integrity to face head on the demands and challenges of exploring your sexual potential.

But you know what? Every one of us has some untapped sexual potential just waiting to be discovered.

You can place two violins next to each other, pluck the string on one of them and the corresponding string on the other violin will vibrate. It recognizes its own wave. Marriage and sex can be the same. You and your spouse can resonate with each other, creating your own music together.

So what do you say? Don’t just make music with your spouse, create a symphony together!

Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to his blog so you don’t miss any future posts.

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