Tag Archives: hot sex

Excitement Through Routine

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By Ian and Alicia Denchasy
aka Freddy and Eddy

In 2000, we began this website as an ongoing exercise in keeping our relationship fresh and exciting – sexually – by seeking to expand our relationship boundaries (though stopping short of exceeding monogamy) through sex toys, BDSM, watching porn and reading erotica, role playing, love making experimentation, and education. Looking back over the last 15 years or so, it would be an understatement to say we’ve tried just about everything a long-term marriage could bear in terms of intimacy, and it goes without saying that many of our forays resulted in spectacular sensual highs we continue to enjoy sporadically – anal sex, vibrators, spanking, to name a few – while others fell flat and faded over time (porn watching, BDSM, and reading erotica). Indeed, whereas we once gauged our sexual health by high frequency intercourse, we’ve now become satisfied with once or twice per week, enduring long stretches of inactivity without the need to seek marriage counseling or panic because we think it a sign we’ve lost our physical passion. Our own assessment finds our sex life has settled into a pattern of boring predictability; however, rather than recoil at this undeniable cooling of our once mighty libidos, we find plenty of excitement in our lust for both each other and the remainder of our lives together. Continue reading

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How To: DO Each Other for HOTTER Sex

Do you know what it feels like to have your spouse do you – not just bringing you to orgasm or have intercourse – but really do you?

Do you know what it feels like to do your spouse?

The fine art of doing and being done.

At it’s core is power. And the fact is that negotiating power is part of every human relationship.

Almost everything in our society teaches equity, so do many therapists. The message they try to get across is this: the ideal partner is to be one of absolute equality in every area of the relationship.

I’ve got news for you – equity has no place when it comes to eroticism. The ability to take your partner (or be taken by them) embodies a lusty, lascivious eagerness for pleasure. This isn’t crudeness – quite the opposite – it’s a deliberate intent to arouse (and satisfy) passion.

If you’re one of the many who have yet to experience this level of passion and eroticism in marriage, or if you’ve had a taste of it but it faded over time, don’t worry. For most people, the eroticism and level of passion I’m talking about ripens in later life.

It involves tapping into the male and female energy found in a couple’s union. The Yin and the Yang, to use Eastern terms. When you tap into this within yourself and your spouse, you form the energy loop that Tantric sex has focused on for centuries.

This energy creates the “follow the connection” types of sexual encounters. The times when you feel like your spouse “knows” you completely and can send you over the edge whenever they choose to do so. In essence, they have power over you – and wielding this power produces an erotic pleasure within themselves.

Many people in our culture are afraid of this power. It’s labeled as bad or something dirty. It’s something Nice Guys and Nice Girls would never do. But, it’s an aspect of every one of us.

So how do you reach this level of eroticism and sexual passion?

The short answer is grow up and develop this part of you.

For many people, this part of themselves is yet to be born. If you think it has reached maturity in you, answer me this: When your partner really ticks you off, how do you react? Can you lovingly and passionately integrate the anger and aggression you feel towards your spouse and turn it into something useful and life-giving ? Or are you more likely to react to the anger and do anything you can to get away from your spouse? Can the fact that your spouse is different and separate from you be a turn on rather than a turn off?

Fully creating this part in your life involves learning how to acknowledge the aggression and anger towards your spouse (which is in all of us), soothing yourself, mastering yourself, and “growing” through the discomfort.

When we climb into bed with our spouse, we each carry different expectations, hopes, plans, and passions to the experience about to unfold.

Let’s face it, on a basic biological level men and women are different. Arousal, pleasure, eroticism, power, even orgasms are different.

Many men can be quite envious of a woman’s orgasm. Look at the differences between us, when a man has an orgasm, while the feeling is great it seems to pale in comparison to a woman’s. A woman is capable of full body orgasms. It seems to pulsate like waves throughout her entire body. Plus, and the biggest source of male envy, a woman is capable of wave after wave. A man has to have some recovery time. Just look at the different faces and expressions between the two sexes and you’ll get confirmation of the difference.

So rather than focus on the differences that separate you and your spouse, what if you brought more of yourself to the party? And they brought more of themselves?

Could you handle that?

Many of you will quickly reply … yes!

Really though?

Think about it this way, to my male readers, can you really handle a full grown woman? One who knows what she wants sexually and how she wants it? A woman in touch with her raw, animalistic nature? This will require more of you, perhaps MUCH more of you! It may mean that after you’ve experienced your orgasm you have to stay around for hers. It may me you have to submit to her power, or you have to over-power her and trulytake her.

And to my female readers, are you ready for a full grown man? Someone in touch with his power, or what Robert Bly refers to as the deep male? A man in tune with his raw, animalistic nature? This too, will require more of you.

If you’re interested in creating this part of you and your relationship, here’s a few ideas to help get you started. Realize however, that this developing takes time and growth to be fully born out in your life and marriage.

  1. Slow down. This is the number one thing I tell every couple I work with when it comes to sex. I understand the desire to rush things, because the longer the process of sex lasts, the more likely some things will surface within you that are uncomfortable. Slow down.  When the discomfort within you arises, face it head on.
  2. Breathe. Much like the previous point, spend some time throughout the entire process just breathing. Focus on your breathing, and matching your partner’s breathing.
  3. Speak up, but not with words. Use your body. Your movements. Your power. Watch each other feel the process. And let yourself be seen. Use words when needed for direction, but also use moans, groans … you get the idea.

Surrendering and growing into this part of you is no simple matter. Doing your spouse, or allowing yourself to be done, involves “standing on your own two feet.” It’s not forcing yourself on your spouse – it’s a letting go with your spouse.

Tapping into eroticism and new levels of passion requires tremendous personal integrity. It takes a great deal of integrity to face head on the demands and challenges of exploring your sexual potential.

But you know what? Every one of us has some untapped sexual potential just waiting to be discovered.

You can place two violins next to each other, pluck the string on one of them and the corresponding string on the other violin will vibrate. It recognizes its own wave. Marriage and sex can be the same. You and your spouse can resonate with each other, creating your own music together.

So what do you say? Don’t just make music with your spouse, create a symphony together!

Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to his blog so you don’t miss any future posts.

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Sex Positions 101: The Nose Dive

Type of sex position: Oral.
Degree of difficulty: Intermediate to advanced.

This fun oral sex position gives the male partner the opportunity for serious ass groping, with a great view of her body as she writhes under his tongue skills. Beware of strain on your backs – especially the male’s as he supports her legs over his shoulders (careful not to hunch too far over).

It is recommended that you place pillows under your partner’s shoulders to relieve stress. Male places hands under her bottom for added support and places her legs over his shoulders.

The nose dive oral sex position.

The nose dive oral sex position.

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How To: Choose and Use A Cock Ring

What is a Cock Ring?

A cock ring is a device worn around the penis, used to enhance the appearance of the male genitals and extend love making by keeping blood trapped inside the penis. The first documented use of rings were believed to be in China, made from the eyelids of goats, with eye lashes intact. These flexible eyelids were tied around men’s erections and the hardened lashes were said to increase the pleasure from intercourse.

Another version of their history is that the use of cock rings began many centuries ago, developed for a rich prince who did battle bravely and took many women prisoners. Incapable of satisfying his women captives, he took his problem to his kingdom’s man of medicine, who fashioned him a cock ring.

How does it work, exactly?

An erection occurs when the penis is filled with blood after arousal. Simultaneously, muscle spasms occur at the base of the penis causing the blood to be trapped and the penis to become hard. When there is a dysfunction of the muscle spasms, the blood flows out and the penis remains soft.

A cock ring applied snugly to the base of an erect penis will help prevent the blood that is keeping the penis hard from returning to the body. In this manner, the cock ring helps maintain a firmer erection!

Of what kinds of materials are cock rings made?

Cock rings come in every conceivable form and material known to humankind, including rubber, silicone, leather, metal, cloth, etc. We’ve even heard of them being made of Kevlar, but we’ll believe that one when we see one!

What are the BEST cock rings made from?

This depends on what you WANT from a cock ring. If prolonged sex and a harder erection is what you seek, you’ll want a cock ring that holds blood inside the penis most effectively, which means binds the tightest. For this, you should use either rubber or silicone, which stretch the most and constrict blood flow the most effectively. If you wish to wear a cock ring for longer periods of time, you should acquire a ring with a fixed size, such as one made from metal or leather. In the case of leather, most can be adjusted tighter via metal snaps or buckles, so you can get the best of both worlds. There are also versions of cock rings called “cock and balls,” that both wrap around the penis and balls, AND have an extra ring attached to wrap around the shaft only (see picture below).

How do I know what size cock ring to get?

Whoa there, stud! Though we’re sure you (or your partner) is the biggest thing since John Holmes and Ron Jeremy, we can assure you that most silicone rings will stretch to accommodate even the largest johnsons. In the case of metal rings, measuring is quite simple; take a strip of paper about 8″ long and a quarter inch wide, and wrap it around the area, marking where the two ends meet. Measure the length of the paper and divide by 3 and you’ve got your size. For most men, a 1.75-2 inch ring will be sufficient to wear comfortably.

OK, I got a cock ring, how do I properly wear it?

The proper way to wear a cock ring is behind the balls, and around the top of the shaft against your body (see picture at left). With a silicone or rubber ring, you can also place it around the shaft only, but you run the risk of it slipping off during sex or when things get wet and slippery. No matter which one you choose, it should fit comfortably and cause no pain. IN ALL CASES, A COCK RING SHOULD BE PUT ON WHILE NOT ERECT!!!

To put on a stretchy ring, simply stretch the ring with the index and ring fingers of both hands, bringing it underneath and behind the balls, then back toward your body, slowly allowing the tension to bind the area securely. A metal ring is a little trickier; start with one testicle through the ring, then the other, then fold the penis and point it downward, pushing it through and pulling the ring back against your body, above the shaft. For a demo slide show, click here to see what we’re talking about.

That sounds sensible, can these things cause damage to my privates?

The answer to this question is a resounding YES. The penis is composed of millions of blood vessels and constricting blood flow into, or out of, the area is not something your genitals are designed to do. Some of the pitfalls of using a cock ring improperly (too tightly) are numbness, discoloration, and severe pain.

For safety and pleasure, a cock ring needs to increase the size of the erection only slightly. If you notice more pronounced swelling, then the fit is too tight. In that case, take the cock ring off immediately. It’s also vital for men to take off their cock ring at the first sign of pain or if the genitals feel cold. In addition, it’s dangerous to leave a ring on for too long, including wearing one to sleep when spontaneous erections are all the rage. An erection of several hours can cause blood coagulation in the penis, making it difficult to lose the erection. This is called priapism, a prolonged erection. Since new blood cannot enter the penis, this can be severely painful and cause permanent damage to the erectile tissue. If this happens to you, seek medical attention as soon as possible, and don’t worry — the staff at the ER has seen this before.

Where can I get a cock ring?

If you want a metal or silicone ring, we sell them in our online store (you can find reviews of both in our Product Reviews category). However, the BEST places with the widest selection are, believe it or not, gay adult shops. Apparently, cock rings have been a staple of the gay community for years and are just now becoming popular among the heterosexual demographic, to which we belong. If you don’t have a gay adult shop in your area (or, as is more likely, you’re not adventurous enough to go into one), then cruising through the various adult shops online will yield great results. Typing “cock ring” into Google, for example, will generate literally thousands of good resources.

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Book Review: Afternoon Delight – Erotica for Couples

Synopsis: 24 hours of sexual escapades from the mind of award-winning author Alison Tyler.

Eddy Says: Erotica has really come of age, especially now that women are making it a priority in taking ownership of their bodies and minds.“Afternoon Delight (erotica for couples)” by Cleis Press has come out with a wonderful collection of short erotica stories that really aim to please women and their partners.

Afternoon Delight” offers 24 short stories that are filled with such lust and desire, yet the overall theme is the simplicity of love. Each of the 24 authors that contributed to this book gave their individual take of how erotism can be spun into so many avenues. The story of Forbidden Fruit by Ric Amadeus makes the reader live through the experience of how fruit can make us all crazy with lust! While Welcome To The Neighborhood by Ariel Graham introduces us to see how easy it can be to have a threesome, or at least how easy the opportunity can arise! Then there is Date At South Station by Xavier Acton. We all fantasize what it would be like to be another person and role-play that character. This short will transcend you to that very night, and oh the hot sex we can imagine! Yet,The Awakening by Jayne Pupek makes me feel enveloped by pure bliss of two people who just relish in each others’ presence with nothing but each others’ bodies to read from.

I love erotica and how it enables me to transform to another place where romance and sexuality takes priority and makes me stop to smell the roses, even if they have thorns.

Good Reads says: Alison Tyler’s latest collection of erotica is sure to put the spark back into any intimate relationship. She’s gathered couples’ most popular fantasies and created a sizzling, no-holds-barred series of explicit stories in which twosomes transform their deepest desires into flesh-on-flesh reality. These powerfully written stories meld the nasty and the sweet to fill a full 24 hours of sex, from early morning wake-up calls through mid-afternoon quickies to late night romps. In “Black Light,” a hidden webcam turns an intimate encounter into a thrillingly public viewing. A sexy 1970s dress and a tantalizing series of notes (“NO PANTIES, PLEASE”) lead to a satisfying reward for an afternoon’s housework in “Disco Dream.” Featuring stories by Sommer Marsden, N.T. Morley, Jordana Winters, and Teresa Noelle Roberts,Afternoon Delight is filled with sex around the clock.

Interested in purchasing this book? Click here or on the links above to visit our online store. It is also available through Amazon for less money (but you’d rather spend a couple extra dollars to support us, right? RIGHT?).

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Sex Positions 101: The Eiffel Tower

Type of sex position: Woman on top.
Degree of difficulty: Intermediate.

Use this innovative sex position to put the squeeze on his love tool while using his legs for added support.

For this sex position, the male lays back with his legs together, with the female on top, straddling both of his legs. By opening and closing her thighs, the female can add variety to the different sensations.

eiffeltower

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Product Review: Trinity Love Swing

Alicia’s review: After letting it languish in its box for weeks in our closet, we finally decided to put up our Trinity Love Swing and give it a test.  Honestly, if your home doesn’t have open beam ceilings, installation can be quite tricky, requiring a stud finder to locate a proper joist into which you can screw the eye hook to hold the  swing (and the weight of up to 250 pounds). An alternative method is to use a door frame, but this will limit your options when using your swing.  Luckily, we have an open beam ceiling in one room of our home – the bedroom – so putting in our swing was a five minute affair.  Hmmmm!  We wondered if this was meant to be?

Well, in a quick flash, Freddy was up on a ladder to affix the eyelet screw, chain and the “mega” metal spring that holds up to 200 pounds.  If the weight of one person exceeds the 200 lbs., all you have to do is remove the spring (which enables you to only facilitate the up-and-down motion).  The last part is to add the single-unit constructed swing itself, which is designed with four supports to comfortably hold the back, butt and both legs.  The supports are covered with very soft neoprene and the straps are made of heavy-duty nylon that is fastened securely to the Torque Support Bar that provides balance to the swing for even distribution of weight. 

We were both chomping at the bit for this product review, especially my husband. We were going to have a good ole’ time, I imagined, so I dressed up in my newest sexy outfit (thanks to the kind people of Trashy Lingerie in Hollywood), while he lit the bedroom with romantic and sensual candles.  He lifted me gently up onto the padded butt support, which I quickly slipped and fell out of!  With a little practice I was sitting pretty and swinging all around and it was really comfortable, almost like sitting in one of those swinging hammocks.  Well, the little book that comes with the Trinity Love Swing gives you a couple of pages of different positions that you can try to attain for Oral Sex and for Intercourse.  So, of course we had to try them all.

Oral sex was first and it was quite heavenly.  Just lay back and let yourself go.  Really!  It was really relaxing and exhilarating at the same time.  We then added our toys to the scenario. We used our Fun Factory Patchy Paul and moved on to our other toys like the Fukuoku 9000 and the Eroscillator.  It was great swinging and having the use of my hands to use our accessories.  When we finally moved onto trying the swing for intercourse we found out how great an asset it is for couples to use.  Being that I’m only 5’2’’ and my husband 6’2” this was a treat.   There was no possibility of having hubby strain his lower back trying to bump and grind. He was in total heaven while I was in total ecstasy!

Reviewing this device was wonderful. At no time did I ever feel that I was not safe or secure.  It is an apparatus that is very useful in the way that it adds new depth to having sex in total comfort and virtual weightlessness. When the swing is not in use, you just need to unhook the assembly, except the eyelet hook, and no one would ever know that you were swinging from the ceiling.  Use it as a couple or by yourself.  It definitely deserves the room.  Move over bed, the swing needs to hang!

Interested in purchasing a Trinity Love Swing? Click here or on the links above to visit our online store!

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How To: Strengthen Your PC Muscles to Improve Sex

Have you noticed that your sex life is lagging a little? Maybe things aren’t quite as satisfying as they once were? Getting older and not feeling as motivated? Are you having trouble with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, incontinence, or general malaise, sexually? Before you reach for the Viagra or penis pump, don’t despair – maybe you just need to reinvigorate your PC muscle! Read on to see how easy it can be to bring back that loving feeling…

What is a PC Muscle?

Your pubococcygeus, or “PC” muscle, is the muscle that controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm in both men and women. It is part of a group of muscles known as the perineal muscles, which all work in concert to maintain healthy sexual/erectile function in both sexes. For women, strengthening these muscles has been shown to reduce the risk of improper positioning of a baby’s head during childbirth and a reduction of urinary incontinence following childbirth and in later years following menopause. For men, having strong PC muscles can help avoid erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Studies are now showing some evidence that maintaining strong PC muscles can help men avoid prostate cancer.

How does one go about strengthening his or her PC muscle?

From wikiHow

Locate the PC muscle: The pubococcygeus muscle forms the floor of the pelvic cavity and stretches like a hammock from the pubic bone to the bottom of the spine. Pretend that you are urinating, then try to stop the flow with a quick muscle contraction. That muscle you just used to stop the flow from the bladder is your PC muscle. Try to keep your stomach and thigh muscles relaxed and focus only on the PC muscle.

Get some Kegel balls (ladies): We love Smartballs, from Fun Factory, but there are dozens of different variations from a myriad of companies. Kegel balls work by forcing the vaginal muscles to contract to hold them in after insertion. Some, like the Smartballs, have small weights inside to cause vibrations that further stimulate the vaginal walls.

Flex the PC muscle 20 times: Hold it for one or two seconds each time, then release. Repeat this three times a day, three to four times per week. Breathe normally during this exercise and try to avoid holding your breath.

Add ten really slow squeezes to each set: Take five seconds to slowly squeeze your PC as tight as you can. Now hold the tension for a full five seconds, if possible, and release gradually over the next five seconds.

Clench your PC muscle longer and more: After about two weeks, you should be able to stretch your PC muscle easier and for a longer duration. Like any muscle in the body, it responds to stimulus and grows with use. Next, try upping the length of the flex and go for more flexes.

  • Instead of a one or two second hold, try to clench your PC muscle for five to seven seconds.
  • Instead of twenty reps, three times a day, trying shooting for 50 reps, three times a day.
  • Once you get the hang of it, you’ll should learn how to clench your penis and anus sphincter muscle separately or at the same time.

Do PC tremble exercises: Start clenching your PC muscle very slowly. So slowly, in fact, that it takes you several minutes to work up to the point where you are fully clenching. Now that you are fully clenching, clench a little more and hold it there for 30 seconds, breathing slowly all the while. When you feel the burn, release and do 20 normal PC clenches. Perform this exercise at the end of your PC workouts for the day.

Do a PC stutter exercise: All this is is flexing your PC muscle in increments. Tighten your PC a bit by bit. Start off gently — hold the PC there for a little bit — then a bit more then “gentle.” When you have stuttered your PC all the way up to a full clench, don’t release the muscle fully; work gently back down, first releasing a little bit, then a bit more, and so on. Imagine that you are running up and down a staircase with your PC muscle.

If you’re a guy, do a PC muscle exercise with an erection: There are several PC muscle exercises you can perform as a male with an erection, and they mostly involve resistance training.

  • Place a small towel over your erect penis and lift the towel up by squeezing the PC muscles. Hold for 2-5 seconds, relax, and repeat 30 times.
  • Place your hand one or two inches above your erect penis. Clench your PC muscle to lift your erection up to your hand. Hold for 2-5 seconds, relax, and repeat 30 times.
  • Place your hand one or two inches above your erect penis again. Clench your PC muscle to lift your erection up to your hand. This time, gently push your hand down while you lift your penis up, creating resistance. Hold for 2-5 seconds, relax, and repeat 30 times.

Don’t overexercise: Combine any of the basic and intermediate exercises together, but only flex your PC muscles for 50 reps and 3 sets per day. Over stimulation can result in muscle fatigue.

Do PC muscle exercises with your partner: Doing PC exercises while having sex can be productive and fun. The male partner gets erect, penetrates the female, and the pair take turns doing PC muscle exercises — he flexes, then she flexes, and so on. Just make sure that your partner is as keen on doing exercise as you are.

Do the PC squeeze with an erection (men, obviously): Massage your penis until you have an erection. Gradually massage your penis until you are at the brink of orgasm. Stop massaging immediately and start contracting your PC muscles. Once your erection begins to go flaccid, massage your penis until you are at the brink of orgasm again. Contract your PC muscles and repeat until your PC muscles are adequately worked.

  • If you accidentally orgasm during this exercise, your PC muscles probably aren’t strong enough for advanced exercises yet. Focus on mastering the intermediate techniques before moving on to the advanced sets.

Do the “blitz” PC exercise: This one is very hard to do, because it involves different clenching strengths and variable reps. Find yourself a spot where you’ll feel comfortable for 10-20 minutes. Remember to breathe as you exercise.

  • Do 50 PC clenches as a warm-up.
  • Next, squeeze your PC muscle as tightly as you can, holding for 30 seconds.
  • Next, perform 100 PC clenches without resting. Clench for two seconds, relax for two seconds, and so on.
  • Next, try clenching your PC muscle as tightly as you can. Shoot for 1 minute of gut-wrenching clenching.
  • Rest for two minutes.
  • Next, do 50 5-second clenches where you slowly relax at the end. Your workout is finally finished!

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Sex Positions 101: Moon Over Miami

Are you feeling really adventurous today? Grab a chair or appropriate support device and see if you can conquer this decidedly advanced sex position. You’ll never look at a bag of pretzels the same way again!

This position requires a bit of doing; the male should rest on the chair with his legs by the female’s side while she rests her feet on the top of the chair. She can then grip his buttocks and caress his legs.

moonovermiami

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Sex Positions 101: The Robins Nest

We suggest you possess strong abdominal muscles and that you stretch before attempting this moderate to advanced sex position. Once interlocked, rock back and forth, being careful not to let go of your partner too suddenly.

The male and female should start seated with their legs intertwined, hers out to the side. Both partners should grab each other’s arms and rock back and forth. This position is great for intimacy!

robinsnest

 

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