Tag Archives: last longer in bed

Book Review: Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century

Synopsis: Sexual and spiritual bliss for today’s fast-paced world. The ancient practice of Tantra is both explained and updated for modern sexual explorers desiring to push past their edge in search of the great cosmic orgasm.

Freddy and Eddy Say: There are dozens, if not hundreds, of books on the market regarding tantra, or tantric sex. We have been fortunate to come into contact with actual teachers and practitioners of this sexual philosophy (which basically boils down to living in the moment, sexually, and taking one’s time) and enjoy incorporating tantra into our love making whenever the opportunity arises. Without going into too much detail, this may mean breathing together while in intimate situations, focusing on eye contact, finding pleasure in avoiding climax, and a number of other practical methods for enhancing overall stimulation.

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Product Review: Gear Essentials Imperial Cock Ring

Synopsis: The top of the line Gear cock ring.Our Review: First, I’d like to say that I LOVE Freddy in a cock ring. Whether it’s metal or silicone or leather; the look is great and I like how it keeps him hard a wee bit longer than he would be without it. Lately, he’s been wearing metal rings from Gear Essentials, located in Minnesota, and we’ve been trying to convince the heterosexual males (the gay sector has been wearing them for decades) in our audience how great these metal marvels can be.

Our first experience was with the subtle Titan .2″ model, which is very thin and light and barely perceptible to Freddy. He wears it quite often and I like knowing he has it on when we go out and we play little teasing games where I’ll try to “cop a feel” from him when no one is looking. I also attempt to turn him on occasionally, as I know he’ll have a heck of a time getting soft again due to the ring’s prevention of blood release from his penis. In short, these little gems have added a neat dimension to our sex play that we now incorporate as often as possible.

Until the Erotica LA show on June 22nd, Freddy had not tried any of the heavier Gear models, such as the thicker versions of the Titan, the Master, Imperial, or even the awesome Omega, which packs over 10 ounces of metal into its donut shape. He always felt a little intimidated and it took a bit of convincing on my part to get him to don it for the booth. I figured if we were going to show them, then Freddy should be wearing one to show our endorsement. On the 2nd day of the show, he put on the Imperial brushed finish ring and we set off in the morning for a 13 hour stint in our booth. I’ll let my hubby take it from here…

Freddy – I was a bit hesitant to wear such a thick hunk of metal around my privates, but I’ve been hitting the gym hard lately and I thought it might look great against my improved physique. It proved even easier to install than the Titan (it’s easier to hold while you manipulate everything through it) and, after proudly examining myself in the mirror (Narcissistic for sure!),  I set out for the show very aware of its presence. Walking with it generated no discomfort, however, and gradually I got used to the weight as the hours went by and I became more comfortable with telling visitors to our booth that I had it on. I even showed it to a couple of people before security paid me a visit and made me stop. Later, after we returned home, the real test of making love was awesome, as the ring is big enough to hit Eddy’s clitoris and I could position and move for her maximum pleasure. Stamina-wise, it was no different than the other rings, and I’d say it was a positive experience in the extreme!

Since that Saturday, he’s continued to wear it off and on and I do like how it looks against his newly toned body. In summary, this is one awesome piece of steel and it’s found a home against my favorite body in the whole world!!! To view a demonstration of how to properly put on a metal cock ring, click here.

Interested in purchasing a Gear Imperial? Click here or on the links above to visit Gear Essentials website.

How To: Overcome Premature Ejaculation

About premature ejaculation.

Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual problems. The condition is most often described as being an inability to delay ejaculation to a point when it is mutually desirable for both partners. The definition of when ejaculation is premature is subjective. While some men have trouble controlling their orgasm upon entry, others consider 5-10 minutes of copulation too little time. How long a man is able to last is not the important factor in diagnosing premature ejaculation. The crucial issue is if a man is satisfied with the length of coitus.

Why can’t I last longer?

Most men have experienced this problem at some time in their life. Premature ejaculation was once thought to be caused by drugs or certain infections such as urethritis, but popular wisdom suggests it is more psychological in nature. The exact cause of the condition, however, still remains a mystery.

Premature ejaculation often occurs during the first experiences with sex, and in this case is most commonly attributed to anxiety. The majority of men gradually learn to control their orgasm, and have no lasting effect. Some men will develop a longer-term anxiety toward sex, which can cause a prolonged experience with premature ejaculation.

Sexual behavior is also a factor. The longer the period since last ejaculating, the quicker young men typically reach orgasm. Younger men tend to ejaculate more quickly than older men, as experience seems to be associated with ejaculatory control.

What about desensitizing creams and supplements?

Desensitizing creams are products that can lessen the sensations felt by men during intercourse so that they can last longer (you can find them in most pharmacies alongside condoms). The are many good, mild and safe desensitizing creams that only require a small amount be applied. Keep in mind, however, that while desensitizing products will dull the sensations to your penis, they can also do the same to your partner’s vagina (or anus). There are also reports that Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra can prolong sexual stimulation, though this varies widely from person to person. Remember, these drugs are NOT meant to be used for achieving erection in healthy males or prolonging sex and can have serious side effects, so proceed with extreme caution. Using these substances for these purposes can result in unintended consequences and can actually be dangerous to your health, especially if you combine then with other drugs.

What are some good techniques to delay ejaculation?

The best way to fighting premature ejaculation is learning how to identify and control the sensations leading up to orgasm. The Masters and Johnson method does just that. The Masters and Johnson method requires a great deal of patience and practice, but is very effective. Follow the steps below.

You may want to start with masturbation. Begin by bringing yourself to a point relatively close to climax, and stop, allowing yourself to relax before starting again. Each time you do this, bring yourself closer and closer to orgasm until you cannot control it any longer.  You may want to practice with the aid of a lubricant.  We recommend trying Divine Number 9. Repeating this procedure a number of times on different occasions will help you learn where your point of climax is. Once you have an idea about your “point of no return” you should be able to direct stimulation from your partner leading up to orgasm. The best way to practice this method is with a caring lover, although you can try to prepare by yourself. With your partner, engage in non-coital stimulation (like masturbation or oral sex) and gradually allow yourself to reach that point just before ejaculation. At that point, signal your partner to stop (often this is done with a light squeeze or sound) and allow yourself to partially lose your erection. Repeat these steps several times to get the hang of it. You should practice these steps for several days before you attempt intercourse. Once you are ready to try intercourse, lay on your back and direct your partner to slowly allow you to penetrate. As soon as you feel that you are about to climax, signal to your partner or give a gentle push upward. Relax for a bit, then begin again. You should soon be able to control your ejaculation and enjoy having sex.

Although the method is extremely effective, it could take weeks before you get it just right. Remember, be patient and try not to put too much pressure on the situation. If you don’t get it the first time, shrug it off and remember that you are working towards something that takes time. If you still have trouble, don’t hesitate to contact a sex therapist for guidance.

Another effective way to control your ejaculation impulse is to strengthen your “PC” muscle through kegel exercises. Your pubococcygeus, or “PC” muscle, is the muscle that controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm in both men and women. It is part of a group of muscles known as the perineal muscles, which all work in concert to maintain healthy sexual/erectile function in both sexes. For women, strengthening these muscles has been shown to reduce the risk of improper positioning of a baby’s head during childbirth and a reduction of urinary incontinence following childbirth and in later years following menopause. For men, having strong PC muscles can help avoid erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Studies are now showing some evidence that maintaining strong PC muscles can help men avoid prostate cancer. We have an entire article devoted to the topic of PC muscles here.

How about sexual simulation?

Some men can successfully increase their control with the Masters and Johnson method, but have a very difficult time maintaining control once a partner enters the scene. Of course it’s normal that you’re going to be more aroused when your lover is present. If this is the situation you find yourself in, here’s what can help:

Add a ‘simulation’ step between the masturbation and intercourse phases discussed above. This will help you learn to control a higher sense of arousal than is possible with simple masturbation, and you get to do it in private without worrying about what your partner is thinking. There are a lot of products out there that simulate real intercourse. We recommend that you get a masturbation toy such as the Verspanken or Tenga Egg with a nice, high quality lubricant such as Sliquid H2O. This will help simulate the sensations of real intercourse. To heighten your arousal, get a first person, virtual sex DVD or look online for appropriate sexually stimulating pictures or video.  These are interactive sexual videos that will help you simulate a real sexual encounter.  If you don’t have a DVD player, any erotic video should do the trick.  Follow the same steps as the masturbation stage of the Masters and Johnson method using one of these videos and the Verspanken. Once you can control your ejaculation in this simulation, then move on to intercourse with a partner.

Anything else?

Masturbation is a technique used by many young men to increase their level of control. It is thought that masturbation before sexual activity will lessen the amount of desire a man feels thereby increasing control. This technique is not very effective, however, as level of arousal is only part of what contributes to the condition.

Condoms are an effective means of reducing the amount of stimulation experienced during sex. Some men find that a condom helps them prevent premature ejaculation by lowering their arousal. If one condom does not decrease the stimulation enough, then put on one more. Condoms provide excellent protection against STDs and pregnancy, so they’re certainly worth a try.

Sexual positions can affect a man’s ability to control his ejaculation. The typical “missionary” position (on top of your partner) is not the best position while attempting to control ejaculation. Try laying on your back, allowing the partner to control copulation. In this position you are more relaxed, and can guide your partner easily.

How To: Choose and Use A Cock Ring

What is a Cock Ring?

A cock ring is a device worn around the penis, used to enhance the appearance of the male genitals and extend love making by keeping blood trapped inside the penis. The first documented use of rings were believed to be in China, made from the eyelids of goats, with eye lashes intact. These flexible eyelids were tied around men’s erections and the hardened lashes were said to increase the pleasure from intercourse.

Another version of their history is that the use of cock rings began many centuries ago, developed for a rich prince who did battle bravely and took many women prisoners. Incapable of satisfying his women captives, he took his problem to his kingdom’s man of medicine, who fashioned him a cock ring.

How does it work, exactly?

An erection occurs when the penis is filled with blood after arousal. Simultaneously, muscle spasms occur at the base of the penis causing the blood to be trapped and the penis to become hard. When there is a dysfunction of the muscle spasms, the blood flows out and the penis remains soft.

A cock ring applied snugly to the base of an erect penis will help prevent the blood that is keeping the penis hard from returning to the body. In this manner, the cock ring helps maintain a firmer erection!

Of what kinds of materials are cock rings made?

Cock rings come in every conceivable form and material known to humankind, including rubber, silicone, leather, metal, cloth, etc. We’ve even heard of them being made of Kevlar, but we’ll believe that one when we see one!

What are the BEST cock rings made from?

This depends on what you WANT from a cock ring. If prolonged sex and a harder erection is what you seek, you’ll want a cock ring that holds blood inside the penis most effectively, which means binds the tightest. For this, you should use either rubber or silicone, which stretch the most and constrict blood flow the most effectively. If you wish to wear a cock ring for longer periods of time, you should acquire a ring with a fixed size, such as one made from metal or leather. In the case of leather, most can be adjusted tighter via metal snaps or buckles, so you can get the best of both worlds. There are also versions of cock rings called “cock and balls,” that both wrap around the penis and balls, AND have an extra ring attached to wrap around the shaft only (see picture below).

How do I know what size cock ring to get?

Whoa there, stud! Though we’re sure you (or your partner) is the biggest thing since John Holmes and Ron Jeremy, we can assure you that most silicone rings will stretch to accommodate even the largest johnsons. In the case of metal rings, measuring is quite simple; take a strip of paper about 8″ long and a quarter inch wide, and wrap it around the area, marking where the two ends meet. Measure the length of the paper and divide by 3 and you’ve got your size. For most men, a 1.75-2 inch ring will be sufficient to wear comfortably.

OK, I got a cock ring, how do I properly wear it?

The proper way to wear a cock ring is behind the balls, and around the top of the shaft against your body (see picture at left). With a silicone or rubber ring, you can also place it around the shaft only, but you run the risk of it slipping off during sex or when things get wet and slippery. No matter which one you choose, it should fit comfortably and cause no pain. IN ALL CASES, A COCK RING SHOULD BE PUT ON WHILE NOT ERECT!!!

To put on a stretchy ring, simply stretch the ring with the index and ring fingers of both hands, bringing it underneath and behind the balls, then back toward your body, slowly allowing the tension to bind the area securely. A metal ring is a little trickier; start with one testicle through the ring, then the other, then fold the penis and point it downward, pushing it through and pulling the ring back against your body, above the shaft. For a demo slide show, click here to see what we’re talking about.

That sounds sensible, can these things cause damage to my privates?

The answer to this question is a resounding YES. The penis is composed of millions of blood vessels and constricting blood flow into, or out of, the area is not something your genitals are designed to do. Some of the pitfalls of using a cock ring improperly (too tightly) are numbness, discoloration, and severe pain.

For safety and pleasure, a cock ring needs to increase the size of the erection only slightly. If you notice more pronounced swelling, then the fit is too tight. In that case, take the cock ring off immediately. It’s also vital for men to take off their cock ring at the first sign of pain or if the genitals feel cold. In addition, it’s dangerous to leave a ring on for too long, including wearing one to sleep when spontaneous erections are all the rage. An erection of several hours can cause blood coagulation in the penis, making it difficult to lose the erection. This is called priapism, a prolonged erection. Since new blood cannot enter the penis, this can be severely painful and cause permanent damage to the erectile tissue. If this happens to you, seek medical attention as soon as possible, and don’t worry — the staff at the ER has seen this before.

Where can I get a cock ring?

If you want a metal or silicone ring, we sell them in our online store (you can find reviews of both in our Product Reviews category). However, the BEST places with the widest selection are, believe it or not, gay adult shops. Apparently, cock rings have been a staple of the gay community for years and are just now becoming popular among the heterosexual demographic, to which we belong. If you don’t have a gay adult shop in your area (or, as is more likely, you’re not adventurous enough to go into one), then cruising through the various adult shops online will yield great results. Typing “cock ring” into Google, for example, will generate literally thousands of good resources.

How To: Strengthen Your PC Muscles to Improve Sex

Have you noticed that your sex life is lagging a little? Maybe things aren’t quite as satisfying as they once were? Getting older and not feeling as motivated? Are you having trouble with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, incontinence, or general malaise, sexually? Before you reach for the Viagra or penis pump, don’t despair – maybe you just need to reinvigorate your PC muscle! Read on to see how easy it can be to bring back that loving feeling…

What is a PC Muscle?

Your pubococcygeus, or “PC” muscle, is the muscle that controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm in both men and women. It is part of a group of muscles known as the perineal muscles, which all work in concert to maintain healthy sexual/erectile function in both sexes. For women, strengthening these muscles has been shown to reduce the risk of improper positioning of a baby’s head during childbirth and a reduction of urinary incontinence following childbirth and in later years following menopause. For men, having strong PC muscles can help avoid erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Studies are now showing some evidence that maintaining strong PC muscles can help men avoid prostate cancer.

How does one go about strengthening his or her PC muscle?

From wikiHow

Locate the PC muscle: The pubococcygeus muscle forms the floor of the pelvic cavity and stretches like a hammock from the pubic bone to the bottom of the spine. Pretend that you are urinating, then try to stop the flow with a quick muscle contraction. That muscle you just used to stop the flow from the bladder is your PC muscle. Try to keep your stomach and thigh muscles relaxed and focus only on the PC muscle.

Get some Kegel balls (ladies): We love Smartballs, from Fun Factory, but there are dozens of different variations from a myriad of companies. Kegel balls work by forcing the vaginal muscles to contract to hold them in after insertion. Some, like the Smartballs, have small weights inside to cause vibrations that further stimulate the vaginal walls.

Flex the PC muscle 20 times: Hold it for one or two seconds each time, then release. Repeat this three times a day, three to four times per week. Breathe normally during this exercise and try to avoid holding your breath.

Add ten really slow squeezes to each set: Take five seconds to slowly squeeze your PC as tight as you can. Now hold the tension for a full five seconds, if possible, and release gradually over the next five seconds.

Clench your PC muscle longer and more: After about two weeks, you should be able to stretch your PC muscle easier and for a longer duration. Like any muscle in the body, it responds to stimulus and grows with use. Next, try upping the length of the flex and go for more flexes.

  • Instead of a one or two second hold, try to clench your PC muscle for five to seven seconds.
  • Instead of twenty reps, three times a day, trying shooting for 50 reps, three times a day.
  • Once you get the hang of it, you’ll should learn how to clench your penis and anus sphincter muscle separately or at the same time.

Do PC tremble exercises: Start clenching your PC muscle very slowly. So slowly, in fact, that it takes you several minutes to work up to the point where you are fully clenching. Now that you are fully clenching, clench a little more and hold it there for 30 seconds, breathing slowly all the while. When you feel the burn, release and do 20 normal PC clenches. Perform this exercise at the end of your PC workouts for the day.

Do a PC stutter exercise: All this is is flexing your PC muscle in increments. Tighten your PC a bit by bit. Start off gently — hold the PC there for a little bit — then a bit more then “gentle.” When you have stuttered your PC all the way up to a full clench, don’t release the muscle fully; work gently back down, first releasing a little bit, then a bit more, and so on. Imagine that you are running up and down a staircase with your PC muscle.

If you’re a guy, do a PC muscle exercise with an erection: There are several PC muscle exercises you can perform as a male with an erection, and they mostly involve resistance training.

  • Place a small towel over your erect penis and lift the towel up by squeezing the PC muscles. Hold for 2-5 seconds, relax, and repeat 30 times.
  • Place your hand one or two inches above your erect penis. Clench your PC muscle to lift your erection up to your hand. Hold for 2-5 seconds, relax, and repeat 30 times.
  • Place your hand one or two inches above your erect penis again. Clench your PC muscle to lift your erection up to your hand. This time, gently push your hand down while you lift your penis up, creating resistance. Hold for 2-5 seconds, relax, and repeat 30 times.

Don’t overexercise: Combine any of the basic and intermediate exercises together, but only flex your PC muscles for 50 reps and 3 sets per day. Over stimulation can result in muscle fatigue.

Do PC muscle exercises with your partner: Doing PC exercises while having sex can be productive and fun. The male partner gets erect, penetrates the female, and the pair take turns doing PC muscle exercises — he flexes, then she flexes, and so on. Just make sure that your partner is as keen on doing exercise as you are.

Do the PC squeeze with an erection (men, obviously): Massage your penis until you have an erection. Gradually massage your penis until you are at the brink of orgasm. Stop massaging immediately and start contracting your PC muscles. Once your erection begins to go flaccid, massage your penis until you are at the brink of orgasm again. Contract your PC muscles and repeat until your PC muscles are adequately worked.

  • If you accidentally orgasm during this exercise, your PC muscles probably aren’t strong enough for advanced exercises yet. Focus on mastering the intermediate techniques before moving on to the advanced sets.

Do the “blitz” PC exercise: This one is very hard to do, because it involves different clenching strengths and variable reps. Find yourself a spot where you’ll feel comfortable for 10-20 minutes. Remember to breathe as you exercise.

  • Do 50 PC clenches as a warm-up.
  • Next, squeeze your PC muscle as tightly as you can, holding for 30 seconds.
  • Next, perform 100 PC clenches without resting. Clench for two seconds, relax for two seconds, and so on.
  • Next, try clenching your PC muscle as tightly as you can. Shoot for 1 minute of gut-wrenching clenching.
  • Rest for two minutes.
  • Next, do 50 5-second clenches where you slowly relax at the end. Your workout is finally finished!

Product Review: Fun Factory Love Ring 8ight

Synopsis: A silicone cock ring with a pressure activated ball in the top for clitoral stimulation.

Freddy’s Review: You’d think after being in the adult business since 2001 I’d have seen it all and become jaded after all this time. However, though you’d be right about 90% of the time (indeed, most products my wife and I try are absolute crap), occasionally one of our most respected allies pops in to remind us why entered into the adult business realm in the first place.

That ally is Fun Factory, probably our favorite sex product manufacturer alongside Tantus and Lelo. These three companies not only produce dynamite pleasure devices (and by extension, orgasms), but go the extra step in making each and every aspect of their offerings an experience. In Fun Factory’s case, no detail of your encounter with one of their products is without care and consideration. Their packaging is a prime example, with vibrant color and thoughtful design that begs for more exploration. The products inside rarely disappoint as well; we’ve probably reached orgasm with a Fun Factory vibrator, dildo, or other intimate product literally thousands of times. Their Patchy Paul G2insert able vibrator, as a prime example, has travelled across the world and back, accompanied us through hot tubs and showers, and is still in operation almost seven years after we purchased it. Our Layaspot clitoral vibe, curved so perfectly it fits between us during intercourse as if it were a permanent part of our anatomy, has become so indispensable we keep two unopened in our household just in case. Of course, now in its 6th year of service it shows no signs of giving up anytime soon. Such is the case with German engineering, I guess (now I see why BMW owners are even more cult-like in their devotion to their automobiles than Apple fanatics are to their iPhones).

So it was with great anticipation that a box of new Fun Factory goodies arrived for us to try, the first of which was (to our knowledge) their initial foray into the world of cock rings. This, incidentally, is no small feat; there are dozens of companies producing almost infinite twists on this most basic sex product, so what – to our minds – could Fun Factory possibly bring to such an established category? Quite a bit, it turns out, though we enthusiastically endorse their 8ight Ring with one caveat, which we’ll mention a few sentences from now. But first, the basics: the 8ight is a silicone “figure eight” ring, meaning it has two holes, one of which is occupied by a curious round object (also made of silicone) held firmly in place in the top loop. Though quite stretchy, the ring is definitely designed to wear on the shaft of the penis, as enveloping the full package would cause far too much constriction. Installed properly, though, the 8ight is comfortable and sized to fit most average size males, perhaps even encompassing the lucky larger among us.

In my use with my wife, I found the 8ight to function as intended, providing an intensified orgasm and longer erection as is the case with similar products. The silicone ball managed to find its way to my wife’s clitoris as if it had a mind of its own and added a nice bit of stimulation during the (inter)course of our evening. The color of the 8ight, purple, made me balk at first (despite purple being my favorite color, it just doesn’t look very manly down there), but the silliness of its appearance once on actually gave us a good laugh and added a nice touch of humor to the sexual proceedings. In all, I’d have to give Fun Factory kudos on another product well done, except…

That caveat. The one thing that could’ve truly put this “thing ring” into the epic category would’ve been to make that darn silicone ball vibrate. Come on, Fun Factory, you make vibrators that can be programmed sixteen ways from Sunday, can’t you find a way to put a little buzz into the 8ight? Just sayin’. Until that day comes, though, I imagine the 8ight has a few orgasms in which to participate and many more years alongside our Patchy Paul and Layaspot family members.

If you are interested in purchasing a Fun Factory 8ight Love Ring, click here or on the links above to go to our online store.

Sex Positions 101: The Steer

This intermediate sex position allows for deep penetration and great access for applying a small vibrator. We can often achieve female ejaculation in this alignment.

While lying on the bed, the female twists to the side. One leg should be placed on the male’s shoulder while the other lays flat. The male then holds onto the female’s waist to bring her closer for penetration.



Your best lover is not your best friend.

By Freddy (aka Ian Denchasy)

Over the last two years sex, in my opinion, had taken an unacceptable downturn. Frequency was not so much an issue as quality. Or, as I continued to futilely express to Alicia, sex felt to me (and I stress this was my issue) as though it had become a by-the-numbers exercise, done more out of routine and duty than for actual pleasure. At almost fifty, and together with my wife the better part of twenty five years, I realize my days of expecting impromptu trysts in moving cars or public spaces  may be on the wishful side; however, trudging into the bedroom 2-3 times per week at the allotted time and in the assumed positions was becoming downright dull. Better to sit and play solitaire on my tablet, quite frankly, given the amount of effort required to roust myself into an appropriately erect state with a partner wearing my unflattering underwear and a matching frumpy t-shirt. Yes, ladies, contrary to popular belief, we men do prefer a bit of attention to details like lingerie, foreplay, and proper mental enthusiasm.

What had happened, as is the case in many relationships of length, is that we had ceased to become passionate lovers and instead become best friends. For my part, I was no longer the man of our house, but rather the sensitive and caring gal pal she no longer needed to find outside our marriage. It’s no wonder Alicia rarely contacted any of her circles of friends; she had me. In a twisted irony, where once she’d dial up a longtime confidant, it was I who now listened to her gossip, details of her day, hopes and aspirations, neighborhood drama, and everything in between. As such, passion and eroticism was bumped down the priority list as evenings “cuddling” in front of her favorite television shows and sleeping in together on weekends (which I abhor), became the de-facto norms. Even her hobbies were discarded in favor of adopting activities more in tune with my own interests. The old saying posits that “familiarity breeds contempt,” and while this may or may not be true, I can certainly speak from experience that being best buddies with one’s spouse doesn’t do much for any sort of “breeding.”

As difficult as it is to accept, even in today’s strange convergence of male/female relationship roles, passionate sex still requires a bit of distance and mystery. Indeed, I had to, slowly and over time, re-establish a separation between Alicia and myself that was almost like weaning oneself off substance addiction. I’m not ashamed to admit I liked the role of being my wife’s number one, even if it did risk reducing our sexual motivation. Besides, most schools of thought on sexual dysfunction teach us that deeper communication and friendship leads to more passionate and meaningful intimacy and pleasurable sex. By that reasoning, shouldn’t my wife and I have been enjoying the most incredible sex imaginable?

Alas, it is this confusion over intimacy – as opposed to eroticism – that seems to be at the root of much of our sexual dysfunction. We believe that our ability to have long, intimate encounters with our partners and deepening our spiritual connections with them translates into sexual behavior that transcends the physical (and primal) lust most of us feel in the initial stages of getting together. Ironically, we then seek to recapture that lust once it’s lost by seeking even more connection and intimacy, when doing the opposite and just getting back to fucking is the best course of action. Here are some practical steps we took to inject our sex life with a serious shot of adrenaline.

Get a real best friend.

If you’ve found yourself out of touch with your former social circles, pick up the phone, fire off e-mails, or start the process of finding yourself a few friends. Not just on Facebook or Twitter, either; I’m talking real life people you can talk to on a regular basis and with whom you can have actual face to face interactions. Aside from taking a few hours away from your partner, everyone can benefit from diverse opinions, personalities, and experiences.

Find hobbies and/or activities to do separately.

Being in a long term relationship, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of things Alicia and I do together on a regular basis. That said, it’s not important that we enjoy or partake in every activity one of us happens to pursue. I like gardening, cooking, tennis, walking, and attending electronic music events, for example, while Alicia loves fashion, watching television, reading, and listening to pop music. Though there may be overlap in any or all of these diversions occasionally, we support each other fully to engage in them separately and encourage exploration into new interests regardless of whether or not they appeal to both of us.

Make a commitment to being sexually separate.

Embrace the good fortune that we are individual and sexual human creatures with individual wants, desires, and attributes that define our sensual selves. To enjoy sexual pleasure is one of the truly unique and undefinable traits with which we are blessed, so don’t go screwing it up with too much attention to what your partner wants as opposed to what makes you feel good. Pleasing your beloved is all well and good; pleasing yourself and your partner is even better. Try to focus on who you are and what you like, sexually, and then put that knowledge to work in your sexual interactions.

Wear your sexuality.

Literally. Stop wearing those old sweats and ratty nightclothes and spruce yourself up! As I mentioned in the beginning of this piece, my libido takes a nosedive every time I even think of Alicia wearing my Costco briefs and extra large tees. My solution? I tossed the briefs in the trash and no longer don underwear. Yep, commando, baby. At the same time, we dedicated a small fund for her undergarments, finding a nice balance of sexy and comfortable, shorter tees substituting for my gym shirts. For my part, I now try to wear slacks or jeans (with Hawaiian or button down shirts) when going out, wearing sweats only to exercise or perform house chores. The point is, we get too comfortable and being sexy should be about discomfort, whether referring to attitude, expectation, or dress code.

Stop making love and start making lust.

Finally, enough with the deep spiritual stuff, already! It’s nice to spend time gazing into each other’s eyes for hours, having deep conversations about how much we love each other, breathing in unison, and “making love” for hours on end, but it’s also nice to live in the moment, tear off your clothes, and engage in a an intense orgasm for two minutes. Clear your mind, look at your partner as an object – yes, I said object – of desire and let loose. It may be awkward (it was for us, wonderfully so) and things may not go as expected (again, another plus), but isn’t it time you put aside all the expert advice and looked at your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend as a lover and as such sought out the explosive sexual pleasures lurking beneath the bills, dirty dishes, and child rearing responsibilities? Tear off your clothes, tear up that cozy friendship, and find the spark that fizzled amid all those late night conversations.

To be continued… 🙂

Product Review: Hot Rawks Superfood Injected Aphrodisiac

Synopsis: An organic, raw blend of herbs that enhances libido and sexual performance in males and females, alike. Ingredients: Organic Raw Cacao, Organic Raw Maca, Organic Cayenne Powder, Organic Catuaba Bark, Organic Korean Ginseng, Organic Epimedium (Horny Goat Weed), and Organic Tribulus Terrestris.

Freddy and Eddy’s Review: Never a couple to believe claims without trying a product first, we approached HotRawks with a jaded attitude as we would any supplement. In fact, our policy is to turn down most reviews of these types of products as they are usually unreliable, quick to be pulled from the market due to patent infringement (usually for containing modified traces of Cialis or Viagra), wildly ineffective, or just plain copies of already established offerings found in any old health store under their real ingredient names for FAR less money.

HotRawks caught our attention due to two factors; first, it’s the first sexual supplement we’ve seen that is comprised of 100% organic RAW ingredients and, second, we saw it on the shelf at our local Whole Foods, which lent it credibility. A third, though less important aspect was that HotRawks claimed to provide benefits for both men AND women. The usual approach of sex pills is to help men with blood flow so they can achieve harder, longer lasting erections. HotRawks, it can be noted, not only claimed to provide this benefit, but within the scope of overall increasing of sexual libido – period. At almost forty bucks a bottle, it certainly isn’t cheap, but at two capsules daily it only worked out to approximately $1.25 per dosage over a 30 day period. For those unfamiliar with “raw,” it simply means none of the ingredients has been heated in excess of 105 degrees, theoretically keeping the nutrients from breaking down and losing potency. Hence, HotRawks is vegan approved as well.

Being the intrepid reviewers we are, we both started with our own bottle, each taking the recommended dosage daily for about a week of abstaining from sex due to Auntie Flow’s monthly visit. Once our crimson relative had departed, we then resumed our normal activity and reported our findings once free of the sex high we usually get post interlude. Whoa! While HotRawks did indeed push the erection performance to Viagra-like firmness, it was the female reaction that sold us. Eddy’s libido rose significantly and the orgasms were definitely more intense on both sides. In fact, on three occasions over the course of a week we actually engaged in sexual intercourse three times in a 24 hour time frame! Obviously, we are horny by nature, regardless, but when we finished our 30 day cycles and went a month without taking HotRawks, our mutual desire definitely dropped to pre-HotRawks levels. Not a bad thing, mind you, but we definitely picked up the phone to get a couple more bottles. In fact, we halved the dosage and still gained a great deal of boost. The product simply works.

In summary, we loved the product and continue to take it as a nice enhancer to our already healthy libidos. As we approach our 50’s, things physically change and we see this as a nice way to moderate that metamorphosis and HotRawks has yet to show any adverse side effects. We also had the pleasure of meeting the company founder and inventor of HotRawks – Julie Wilson – and she’s as knowledge able as anyone we’ve come across in the industry over the last 10 years. Thumbs WAY up for HotRawks, it does indeed RAWK.

Interested in purchasing Hot Rawks? Click here to go to their website for more information. Remember, your purchases are the only way to keep this website running and free for everyone!

Sex Positions 101: The Standing Slow Dance

This standing sex position utilizes a chair for support and added comfort. Female should wrap her hands around his shoulders to help herself up. Most of the weight is held with male’s one hand while other hand caresses her body. Using a chair for her feet and lighten the load.