We ran this piece back in 2001, only a couple of months after starting Freddy and Eddy. We thought it would be appropriate to bring it back for those who may have missed it. – F&E
By Ian Denchasy (Freddy)
If I’ve learned anything in my past experiences with women, it’s that we men seem to ignore their natures, while expecting them to accommodate ours. We want excitement, experimentation, cheerleading outfits, handcuffs, anal sex, and the like, but aren’t willing to approach these goals in a manner that addresses the peculiar needs of most women. Sure, there are a few females out there who love sex so much that they provide the cheerleading outfits and handcuffs, but most of them are already porn stars. Or not with you. Or married to your best friend. For the majority of us, however, the women in our lives need a bit of coaxing to put that swing to good use.
Twenty five years with Eddy has taught me that almost all of my fantasies are within reach if I simply work a little bit in the romance department. And it’s not really work. Want to explore anal sex? Start with VERY light fingers around the VICINITY while you go down on her for an hour. It may take months of this before she’ll go further, but your patience will pay off. Want her to shave that jungle down there? Shave it for her and have her shave you as well (do you think YOUR overgrown mojo is any more attractive than hers?) Want her to get into porn films? DON’T make the first one a barely-legal schoolgirl taking triple penetration from guys with triton missiles between their legs. Get something with NO penetration, like the Playboy Couples series. Then move slowly into an Andrew Blake- directed film like Secrets. Want her to masturbate? Lay her on her back, take off her shirt, and show her how YOU do it. Softly rub the tip of your cock over her nipples and watch her tingle. Now hubbies, let me tell you how to plan a romantic evening guaranteed to have HER reaching for the toys for weeks to come. Ladies, take note…
Find out what your wife’s favorite cooking show is, see if cooking show host has a restaurant, and make reservation for two. In our case, Eddy’s favorite cooking show is Emeril Live. Emeril has many restaurants, the closest to us in Las Vegas. Of course, it’s booked solid months in advance, but I’m a persistent fellow and called everyday for 30 straight days begging to get in. I finally wore them down on the 30th day and they granted a reservation. True, I pulled my final ace – it’s my anniversary – to puncture the heart of the reservations agent, but our resolve for our mates should know no limits. I then booked a flight to Vegas, Amex’d two tickets to “O” at the Bellagio and the plan was set. Oh, and all of this was kept highly confidential. I didn’t even tell any of our “good” friends for fear of the fatal slip/foot-in-mouth. I didn’t even tell the Mother-in-law, who would be babysitting in our absence.
The day before Operation Blow-Her-Away, I took Eddy shopping and told her to get a new outfit, handbag, and pair of shoes. The day of the actual trip had her sent off to a spa with manicure and pedicure. It was 1pm and I instructed her to assemble the entire package and get into the cab out front, which whisked us to the airport. Stunned, she boarded the airplane and we enjoyed some great conversation, peppered with compliments and constant smooching. She chose a very sexy little outfit and I couldn’t keep my hands off her! Happily, she decided against trying to guess what I was up to and just decided to sit back and let it all unfold…
And unfold it did. Dinner was spectacular (amazingly, the whole staff came out to meet the persistent husband who called 30 days in a row) and the Cirque Du Soleil unbelievable. Perhaps the greatest moment for me came when I turned my head for a moment to share my thoughts with another attendee. As I looked for Eddy, the noisy lobby went eerily quiet and my gaze was drawn to an unbelievably sexy woman standing under the glass foyer. She was so stunning that I just had to go over and wrap my arms around her – my partner of the last 13 years. It was as if I’d seen her for the first time, only better.
Now, one might assume that, after all that, I expected a sex-fest to end all sex-fests. Fireworks, Mt. St. Helens, and the Perfect Storm all rolled into one endless night of orgasms. But you know what? We didn’t have sex at all! After all that (and a plane flight home to boot), we barely had the energy to drag our tired selves into bed. And, for me, that’s what made it so special. When romancing your partner (or anyone for that matter) you do it because the act of romance – not the result – is the payoff. And the sex that FOLLOWED that little evening? Everything I wanted and more. Anal? Yep. Cheerleading outfit? Yep. XXX videos? Yep. A regular occurrence. Our mojos? Neat and trim. Masturbation? Doesn’t all sex start that way?
In truth, that’s just one example of the many surprises I’ve sprung during our brief 13 years together. But the point is to always try to take your time and SPRING THOSE SURPRISES. Yeah, the 5 dollar bouquet from the freeway off ramp is nice, but why not then take those rose petals and surprise her with a hot bath filled with them? Chocolates? Sure. But how about some chocolate scented candles and soaps instead? And when it comes to sex, take your time and put HER first. Sure, there’ll be those times to rip each other’s clothes off and hump like crazy, but that’s not going to get that Batgirl costume on in the long run. Freddy
PS. Of course, the ultimate irony was that almost all of our friends’ husbands/boyfriends hated my guts for that romantic evening. It seems most of the men out there don’t think this sort of thing is MANLY. I’ll remember that the next time my wife rents a porno and takes me to a strip club.
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