Tag Archives: tantra sex

A Different Perspective On Tantra


By Layla Martins

There are a lot of Tantra and sexuality teachers out there teaching strict rules about sex…

– Woman: Don’t you dare have a clitoral orgasm! It’s so immature, and you’ll become grumpy and disconnected

– Man: Don’t ejaculate or you’ll end up energetically depleted

– Both of you: Don’t even bother to orgasm at all, you’ll have a dopamine crash and end up personally destroyed

I think rules like these are like “fad-diets” – they sound sexy and like they’ll work. And you might even get some quick results, until you crash and it probably isn’t even all that healthy to begin with.

A lot of these teachers become notorious and get a lot of attention, just like “fad-diet” gurus.

People love rules – they give a certain comfort – they make you feel like you’re really getting somewhere.

Just as we’ve battled with our addictions and use of food, we’ve been battling our addictions and use of sex.

The answer isn’t crazy control, it’s balance, and the simple choices day in and day out.

When it comes to sex, it’s just like diet. Eat real food. Not too much. Mostly Plants.

When it comes to sex….Make real Love. Relax and Be Present. Breathe deeply and follow your Impulses.

I think a lot of “spiritual teachings” actually end up setting us on a path for war with ourselves.

Kill your ego. Stop desiring so much. Let go. Surrender. Either be celibate, or at least stop ejaculating or orgasming so much.

For God’s Sake: WHY?

Do you really think the creator set you up so that all of your natural impulses are the path to destruction?

Where does going to war with your humanity make you more real, more present, more alive?

Because if it isn’t real and present and alive, then it isn’t spiritual.

Same goes for sex.

If you find yourself controlling, battling and restricting your sexuality, it’s just sending you down another rabbit hole.

I believe the only true redemption comes first and foremost from being fully in love with and fully at peace with our humanity – and a huge part of humanity is sexuality.

Anything that isn’t arising from that kind of deeply self-loving foundation is a masked escape.

Escape from where?

The present, of course.

To read more from Layla Martins, you can join her Facebook page here.


Woman’s Day: Yoga Poses That Improve Your Sex Life

Spend time on the mat in order to prime your mind and body for romance

By Jill Provost

Read more: Yoga Poses for Better Sex – Yoga Poses That Improve Sex – Woman’s Day

Has your love life gone from sizzle to fizzle? You don’t have to memorize the Kama Sutra to spice things up between the sheets. In fact, it’s the positions you assume outside the bedroom that could really heat things up. According to research in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, sexually dissatisfied women who took up yoga and practiced mindfulness techniques reported higher levels of arousal and desire, and better orgasms. To reap similar benefits, perform the 10 poses below at least three times a week, spending a minute or so in each position. If this is your first time practicing yoga, don’t worry; we’ve linked each pose to a video tutorial so you can learn them at your own pace.

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Book Review: Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century

Synopsis: Sexual and spiritual bliss for today’s fast-paced world. The ancient practice of Tantra is both explained and updated for modern sexual explorers desiring to push past their edge in search of the great cosmic orgasm.

Freddy and Eddy Say: There are dozens, if not hundreds, of books on the market regarding tantra, or tantric sex. We have been fortunate to come into contact with actual teachers and practitioners of this sexual philosophy (which basically boils down to living in the moment, sexually, and taking one’s time) and enjoy incorporating tantra into our love making whenever the opportunity arises. Without going into too much detail, this may mean breathing together while in intimate situations, focusing on eye contact, finding pleasure in avoiding climax, and a number of other practical methods for enhancing overall stimulation.

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Podcast: Great Sex Made Simple

Podcast Episode 59 – Great Sex Made Simple

Is great sex a complicated pursuit? Maybe you just need a little simple guidance, and we’ve found just the couple to start your journey. Meet a couple who deliver the ancient ways of tantra – to everyone!

On this ‘cast, we welcome into our studio Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson, aka Swami Umeshanand Saraswati and Devi Veenanand, masters of lineage-based Tantra (traditional) as it integrates with “neo” Tantra, or more contemporary practices. Their newest work, Great Sex Made Simple, marries tantric principles with practical tips to send your sex life soaring. From life as a lawyer and opera singer, respectively, this pair tranformed their ordinary intimacy into the extraordinary. Join us as we explore ways to bring great sex to YOUR bedroom and beyond.

Products Reviewed: ON for Him,Verspanken, Toy Friend Zany Blue vibrator.

Music Selections: Big Top, from Oglio Records.

All our Podcasts can be found in our archive section here and also on iTunes and Stitcher Radio! Just type in “Freddy and Eddy” or “From Behind Our White Picket Fence” in the iTunes store search field and subscribe!

How To: Overcome Premature Ejaculation

About premature ejaculation.

Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual problems. The condition is most often described as being an inability to delay ejaculation to a point when it is mutually desirable for both partners. The definition of when ejaculation is premature is subjective. While some men have trouble controlling their orgasm upon entry, others consider 5-10 minutes of copulation too little time. How long a man is able to last is not the important factor in diagnosing premature ejaculation. The crucial issue is if a man is satisfied with the length of coitus.

Why can’t I last longer?

Most men have experienced this problem at some time in their life. Premature ejaculation was once thought to be caused by drugs or certain infections such as urethritis, but popular wisdom suggests it is more psychological in nature. The exact cause of the condition, however, still remains a mystery.

Premature ejaculation often occurs during the first experiences with sex, and in this case is most commonly attributed to anxiety. The majority of men gradually learn to control their orgasm, and have no lasting effect. Some men will develop a longer-term anxiety toward sex, which can cause a prolonged experience with premature ejaculation.

Sexual behavior is also a factor. The longer the period since last ejaculating, the quicker young men typically reach orgasm. Younger men tend to ejaculate more quickly than older men, as experience seems to be associated with ejaculatory control.

What about desensitizing creams and supplements?

Desensitizing creams are products that can lessen the sensations felt by men during intercourse so that they can last longer (you can find them in most pharmacies alongside condoms). The are many good, mild and safe desensitizing creams that only require a small amount be applied. Keep in mind, however, that while desensitizing products will dull the sensations to your penis, they can also do the same to your partner’s vagina (or anus). There are also reports that Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra can prolong sexual stimulation, though this varies widely from person to person. Remember, these drugs are NOT meant to be used for achieving erection in healthy males or prolonging sex and can have serious side effects, so proceed with extreme caution. Using these substances for these purposes can result in unintended consequences and can actually be dangerous to your health, especially if you combine then with other drugs.

What are some good techniques to delay ejaculation?

The best way to fighting premature ejaculation is learning how to identify and control the sensations leading up to orgasm. The Masters and Johnson method does just that. The Masters and Johnson method requires a great deal of patience and practice, but is very effective. Follow the steps below.

You may want to start with masturbation. Begin by bringing yourself to a point relatively close to climax, and stop, allowing yourself to relax before starting again. Each time you do this, bring yourself closer and closer to orgasm until you cannot control it any longer.  You may want to practice with the aid of a lubricant.  We recommend trying Divine Number 9. Repeating this procedure a number of times on different occasions will help you learn where your point of climax is. Once you have an idea about your “point of no return” you should be able to direct stimulation from your partner leading up to orgasm. The best way to practice this method is with a caring lover, although you can try to prepare by yourself. With your partner, engage in non-coital stimulation (like masturbation or oral sex) and gradually allow yourself to reach that point just before ejaculation. At that point, signal your partner to stop (often this is done with a light squeeze or sound) and allow yourself to partially lose your erection. Repeat these steps several times to get the hang of it. You should practice these steps for several days before you attempt intercourse. Once you are ready to try intercourse, lay on your back and direct your partner to slowly allow you to penetrate. As soon as you feel that you are about to climax, signal to your partner or give a gentle push upward. Relax for a bit, then begin again. You should soon be able to control your ejaculation and enjoy having sex.

Although the method is extremely effective, it could take weeks before you get it just right. Remember, be patient and try not to put too much pressure on the situation. If you don’t get it the first time, shrug it off and remember that you are working towards something that takes time. If you still have trouble, don’t hesitate to contact a sex therapist for guidance.

Another effective way to control your ejaculation impulse is to strengthen your “PC” muscle through kegel exercises. Your pubococcygeus, or “PC” muscle, is the muscle that controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm in both men and women. It is part of a group of muscles known as the perineal muscles, which all work in concert to maintain healthy sexual/erectile function in both sexes. For women, strengthening these muscles has been shown to reduce the risk of improper positioning of a baby’s head during childbirth and a reduction of urinary incontinence following childbirth and in later years following menopause. For men, having strong PC muscles can help avoid erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Studies are now showing some evidence that maintaining strong PC muscles can help men avoid prostate cancer. We have an entire article devoted to the topic of PC muscles here.

How about sexual simulation?

Some men can successfully increase their control with the Masters and Johnson method, but have a very difficult time maintaining control once a partner enters the scene. Of course it’s normal that you’re going to be more aroused when your lover is present. If this is the situation you find yourself in, here’s what can help:

Add a ‘simulation’ step between the masturbation and intercourse phases discussed above. This will help you learn to control a higher sense of arousal than is possible with simple masturbation, and you get to do it in private without worrying about what your partner is thinking. There are a lot of products out there that simulate real intercourse. We recommend that you get a masturbation toy such as the Verspanken or Tenga Egg with a nice, high quality lubricant such as Sliquid H2O. This will help simulate the sensations of real intercourse. To heighten your arousal, get a first person, virtual sex DVD or look online for appropriate sexually stimulating pictures or video.  These are interactive sexual videos that will help you simulate a real sexual encounter.  If you don’t have a DVD player, any erotic video should do the trick.  Follow the same steps as the masturbation stage of the Masters and Johnson method using one of these videos and the Verspanken. Once you can control your ejaculation in this simulation, then move on to intercourse with a partner.

Anything else?

Masturbation is a technique used by many young men to increase their level of control. It is thought that masturbation before sexual activity will lessen the amount of desire a man feels thereby increasing control. This technique is not very effective, however, as level of arousal is only part of what contributes to the condition.

Condoms are an effective means of reducing the amount of stimulation experienced during sex. Some men find that a condom helps them prevent premature ejaculation by lowering their arousal. If one condom does not decrease the stimulation enough, then put on one more. Condoms provide excellent protection against STDs and pregnancy, so they’re certainly worth a try.

Sexual positions can affect a man’s ability to control his ejaculation. The typical “missionary” position (on top of your partner) is not the best position while attempting to control ejaculation. Try laying on your back, allowing the partner to control copulation. In this position you are more relaxed, and can guide your partner easily.

Sex Positions 101: The Reverse Wild Stallion

Type of sex position: Her on top, reverse.
Degree of difficulty: Intermediate to advanced.

The male is on his back with the female on top in the opposite direction. The female then leans forward over his legs and controls penetration by sliding back and forth during intercourse.



How to: Practice Tantric Sex Part 1 – The Basics

By Deva Charu Morgan of Embody Tantra.

The first thing that drew me to Tantra was the prospect that I would become better in bed…that I might tap into some ancient secrets that would wow anyone that made it to my boudoir.

Thing is, it did, and I have, but not at all in the way that I imagined it would.

Far from a ‘fly-by-night guide to hot sex positions’ and ‘ways to drive your lover wild’, the Tantras are actually sacred texts.

It is important to understand some basic spiritual principles when embarking on a Tantric exploration:

  1. As my mother would put it, “the past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift, and that’s why they call it the PRESENT.” Many spiritual paths hold to the idea that the key to getting the most out of life is by understanding what it means to really be here now.
  1. The thing most seekers are looking for can be referred to as bliss,  a sensation in body, mind, and spirit that goes beyond feeling.  It can best be related to the way one feels when they first hold their child in their arms, the simple sweetness of smelling a flower and feeling it all through you.  Most of us have had glimpses of it when we are lying in the embrace of our beloved, as we simply forget everything else in the world and are overcome with love.  (Not to worry if this feeling does not sound familiar, bliss is ALWAYS around, we just don’t always have the sensitivity to recognize it.)
  1. THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE… beyond any theory, the thing that will take you deeper, faster is being honest, first with yourself, and then with all of those you relate to.

So, what does tantra have to do with all of this?

Tantra is unique as far as paths go, because it embraces both life and sexuality as vital aspects on the road to bliss.

The Tantras are scriptures of sorts that contain a series of meditations for experiencing the divine right here on earth!   These meditations contain anything and everything that may help you drop the past and the future and GET PRESENT, the present moment being the only true doorway to bliss.  So, it’s no surprise that at least a couple of the texts explore lovemaking as a means to open this door.



Core Elements

1.                  Slowing down

2.                  Moving from excitement and tension to relaxation

3.                  Becoming orgasmic rather than having orgasms

4.                  Making love without an agenda

5.                  Tuning in to the innate relationship between masculine and feminine energies/poles of energy

Why would I want to experience Tantra?

Most of us are barely scratching the surface of what is possible sexually.  Even the tools that are offered to us to enhance our sex lives tend to be based in how we can get ourselves excited.  And who doesn’t like to be excited?  What tantra asks is, what happens when we drop the goal oriented path towards orgasm?  When we drop any pre-conceived ideas of what sex or sexy is?

What we have come to describe as orgasm, is referred to in Tantra as a peak orgasmic experience.  This is defined as a build up of excitement and tension in the body leading to an explosion of energy for a few moments, and quite often a feeling of descending or losing energy after.  A term that is sometimes used in Tantra, is valley orgasm.  This , put very simply, is when we relax into our excitement and, rather than move towards an orgasm, we simply surrender ourselves to the pleasure and allow it to take us deeper and deeper into the present moment with our lover…this is truly bliss.

It comes down to a very simple fact…

Scientifically speaking, we as man and woman are drawn together to procreate, so it is fair to say that this sex-act holds a lot of energy.  This energy is available for us to open up to, whether we are creating life, or simply enjoying it by coming together in lovemaking.  Each gender represents a ‘pole’; the man’s penis representing  the  positive pole, the woman’s vagina representing the negative.  Like any magnet, we are drawn together.  It is by tuning in to this energetic pull and trusting that our bodies have an intelligence of their own that we unlock the true mysteries of the union of man and woman.

So, how does Tantra work?

It is helpful to look at Tantra in three parts:

  1. Connecting to the self- knowing your own body, meeting yourself, relaxing and awakening to greater sensitivity
  2. Connecting to my partner- meeting them with greater sensitivity and awareness, slowing down, letting go of pre-conceived ideas of what this meeting will be like
  3. Connecting through my partner to the divine

How do I start?

  • Begin sitting or standing across from your partner with your eyes closed.
  • Become aware of the breath moving in and out of your body.  Let your mouth fall open and take both the in and out breath through your mouth.  Feel as though the breath is caressing you from the inside, swirling through your body as it enters you.
  • Feel the breath moving deep into your body to the tips of your fingers, deep into your belly
  • Now imagine the breath moving all the way into your genitals, gently massaging them from the inside.  Create a different relationship with them than we might be used to, allowing them to open and relax, rather than responding to stimulation.
  • Continue with the breath in this way for 10 to 15 minutes.  This may be challenging for you, that is fine, just like flexing a muscle we have not used in a long time, it simply takes practice.
  • If you feel confident that you can truly feel the breath caressing the genitals, then you can move onto the next stage; tightening and releasing the PC muscle.  This is the muscle that you would use if you were urinating and you wanted to stop the flow of urine.  For this part of the practice you will be tightening as you breathe in and releasing when you exhale.  We are simply continuing to build a new relationship with this part of the body.  Maintaining this for 5 minutes is a great start, though you can do it for up to 15 or 20 minutes.
  • The final stage for building the energy is to add a rocking of the pelvis.  Breathing in, rocking back and tightening the PC muscle; breathing out, rocking forward and releasing.  Now, all three at once may seem like patting your head and rubbing your tummy at the same time-remember that you don’t have to get it ‘right’.  The most important thing is just that you create a connection to your genitals in a new way, however that happens for you is fine.
  • Now, after at least 15 minutes of focusing on your connection to yourself, youcan stop, open your eyes and gaze at your partner.  This process is so simple, and can create such intimacy, yet we hardly ever do it.  You can imagine that you are seeing this person for the first time, truly let them in.  You may feel like giggling, you may even feel like crying.  Once again, there are no rules in tantra, whatever comes naturally is fine and all you need do is stay in touch with whatever you are feeling in any given moment.

Important to know

No two tantra exercises are alike.  This example is very powerful when done fully, and still, it is the tip of the iceberg as far as tantra goes.  Tantra works with breath (as described above), movement, sound, and guided meditation-anything that will get you to re-connect with the true responses in the body.  Other meditations might include shaking the body, partner yoga positions, making sounds on different parts of your lovers body, or blindfolding your partner and offering them things to delight their senses. Finally, tantra offers actual lovemaking techniques (you will have to tune in to the continuation of this article to catch those).

Summing up

Being on the Tantric path to bliss can be as simple as noticing how you are feeling in your own body as you interact with your lover, sharing the TRUTH of what you are going through in any given moment, adding eye contact to your lovemaking.  All of these, and ANY tantric exercise, are simply ways of helping you to let go of the distractions and truly be PRESENT to yourself and your partner.  As you embark on this exploration, remember just because these exercises seem intense, they don’t have to be serious!  Tantra is very good-humored and light-hearted.

Deva Charu Morgan is a practicing Tantra expert with over 5 years experience sharing Tantric wisdom internationally and the Los Angeles region. She can be contacted directly via e-mail at: charu@embodytantra.com .

Sex Positions 101: Raising the Mast

Type of sex position: Missionary.
Degree of sex position difficulty: Intermediate.


This position starts by placing both her legs on the male’s shoulders. The male should try to vary the angle of penetration by changing the angle of her legs as he enters her. Vary angle for comfort.

Sex Positions 101: The Strumming Mandolin

Type of sex position: Spooning (side by side).
Degree of difficulty: Intermediate.

This spooning position has the female on her side. The male should approach from
behind and place one leg back and the other one forward. The male places the
back leg between hers.


Sex Positions 101: The Pussycat Prowl

Type of sex position: Her on top.
Degree of difficulty: Beginner.

Let your inner pussycat take control and make him meow! Putting one leg forward allows easy back and forth motion and helps position him just right to hit your g-spot.

The female should bring one leg forward and place it outside of his legs. Her second leg should be placed between both his legs. He can then place his hand on her bottom to help guide her.