About premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual problems. The condition is most often described as being an inability to delay ejaculation to a point when it is mutually desirable for both partners. The definition of when ejaculation is premature is subjective. While some men have trouble controlling their orgasm upon entry, others consider 5-10 minutes of copulation too little time. How long a man is able to last is not the important factor in diagnosing premature ejaculation. The crucial issue is if a man is satisfied with the length of coitus.
Why can’t I last longer?
Most men have experienced this problem at some time in their life. Premature ejaculation was once thought to be caused by drugs or certain infections such as urethritis, but popular wisdom suggests it is more psychological in nature. The exact cause of the condition, however, still remains a mystery.
Premature ejaculation often occurs during the first experiences with sex, and in this case is most commonly attributed to anxiety. The majority of men gradually learn to control their orgasm, and have no lasting effect. Some men will develop a longer-term anxiety toward sex, which can cause a prolonged experience with premature ejaculation.
Sexual behavior is also a factor. The longer the period since last ejaculating, the quicker young men typically reach orgasm. Younger men tend to ejaculate more quickly than older men, as experience seems to be associated with ejaculatory control.
What about desensitizing creams and supplements?
Desensitizing creams are products that can lessen the sensations felt by men during intercourse so that they can last longer (you can find them in most pharmacies alongside condoms). The are many good, mild and safe desensitizing creams that only require a small amount be applied. Keep in mind, however, that while desensitizing products will dull the sensations to your penis, they can also do the same to your partner’s vagina (or anus). There are also reports that Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra can prolong sexual stimulation, though this varies widely from person to person. Remember, these drugs are NOT meant to be used for achieving erection in healthy males or prolonging sex and can have serious side effects, so proceed with extreme caution. Using these substances for these purposes can result in unintended consequences and can actually be dangerous to your health, especially if you combine then with other drugs.
What are some good techniques to delay ejaculation?
The best way to fighting premature ejaculation is learning how to identify and control the sensations leading up to orgasm. The Masters and Johnson method does just that. The Masters and Johnson method requires a great deal of patience and practice, but is very effective. Follow the steps below.
You may want to start with masturbation. Begin by bringing yourself to a point relatively close to climax, and stop, allowing yourself to relax before starting again. Each time you do this, bring yourself closer and closer to orgasm until you cannot control it any longer. You may want to practice with the aid of a lubricant. We recommend trying Divine Number 9. Repeating this procedure a number of times on different occasions will help you learn where your point of climax is. Once you have an idea about your “point of no return” you should be able to direct stimulation from your partner leading up to orgasm. The best way to practice this method is with a caring lover, although you can try to prepare by yourself. With your partner, engage in non-coital stimulation (like masturbation or oral sex) and gradually allow yourself to reach that point just before ejaculation. At that point, signal your partner to stop (often this is done with a light squeeze or sound) and allow yourself to partially lose your erection. Repeat these steps several times to get the hang of it. You should practice these steps for several days before you attempt intercourse. Once you are ready to try intercourse, lay on your back and direct your partner to slowly allow you to penetrate. As soon as you feel that you are about to climax, signal to your partner or give a gentle push upward. Relax for a bit, then begin again. You should soon be able to control your ejaculation and enjoy having sex.
Although the method is extremely effective, it could take weeks before you get it just right. Remember, be patient and try not to put too much pressure on the situation. If you don’t get it the first time, shrug it off and remember that you are working towards something that takes time. If you still have trouble, don’t hesitate to contact a sex therapist for guidance.
Another effective way to control your ejaculation impulse is to strengthen your “PC” muscle through kegel exercises. Your pubococcygeus, or “PC” muscle, is the muscle that controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm in both men and women. It is part of a group of muscles known as the perineal muscles, which all work in concert to maintain healthy sexual/erectile function in both sexes. For women, strengthening these muscles has been shown to reduce the risk of improper positioning of a baby’s head during childbirth and a reduction of urinary incontinence following childbirth and in later years following menopause. For men, having strong PC muscles can help avoid erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Studies are now showing some evidence that maintaining strong PC muscles can help men avoid prostate cancer. We have an entire article devoted to the topic of PC muscles here.
How about sexual simulation?
Some men can successfully increase their control with the Masters and Johnson method, but have a very difficult time maintaining control once a partner enters the scene. Of course it’s normal that you’re going to be more aroused when your lover is present. If this is the situation you find yourself in, here’s what can help:
Add a ‘simulation’ step between the masturbation and intercourse phases discussed above. This will help you learn to control a higher sense of arousal than is possible with simple masturbation, and you get to do it in private without worrying about what your partner is thinking. There are a lot of products out there that simulate real intercourse. We recommend that you get a masturbation toy such as the Verspanken or Tenga Egg with a nice, high quality lubricant such as Sliquid H2O. This will help simulate the sensations of real intercourse. To heighten your arousal, get a first person, virtual sex DVD or look online for appropriate sexually stimulating pictures or video. These are interactive sexual videos that will help you simulate a real sexual encounter. If you don’t have a DVD player, any erotic video should do the trick. Follow the same steps as the masturbation stage of the Masters and Johnson method using one of these videos and the Verspanken. Once you can control your ejaculation in this simulation, then move on to intercourse with a partner.
Masturbation is a technique used by many young men to increase their level of control. It is thought that masturbation before sexual activity will lessen the amount of desire a man feels thereby increasing control. This technique is not very effective, however, as level of arousal is only part of what contributes to the condition.
Condoms are an effective means of reducing the amount of stimulation experienced during sex. Some men find that a condom helps them prevent premature ejaculation by lowering their arousal. If one condom does not decrease the stimulation enough, then put on one more. Condoms provide excellent protection against STDs and pregnancy, so they’re certainly worth a try.
Sexual positions can affect a man’s ability to control his ejaculation. The typical “missionary” position (on top of your partner) is not the best position while attempting to control ejaculation. Try laying on your back, allowing the partner to control copulation. In this position you are more relaxed, and can guide your partner easily.